A Different Christmas Season: Choosing to Fight

As we stepped outside today in East TN, it had a very different feel. Drew and Scott had on their short sleeve shirts and shorts, neighbors were mowing their yards, and families were out walking their dogs - all in the midst of Christmas decorations and frantic shopping. I think we can all agree that the weather did not feel much like Christmas.

The Dean household has a very different feel as well this year. As most of you probably know, my sweet Daddy has been in a deep war with Parkinson's. The past few weeks have brought several battles with the evil disease. One of the ugly side effects of Parkinson's is dysphasia, or trouble swallowing. This led him into the hospital with aspirational pneumonia. Upon failing all levels of his swallow test, the doctor came in to his hospital room where Dad, Scott's father, and I sat quietly. We were given the harsh reality of Dad's situation. Dad was given two choices. One was placing a feeding tube, called a PEG tube, in his stomach where he could receive food and medicine by bypassing his throat/esophagus. The other was going home, enjoying eating foods of his choice, creating a high risk of reoccurring pneumonia. The doctor was very clear that in his compromised state, he would eventually not be able to fight the consistent infections. As the doctor left, we all sat in silence, as tears ran down my face. I could tell that the Baptist Rabbi was in deep thought of what to do. One would think that this would be a simple decision. However, there were ramifications with each plan. Those who know me are keenly aware that I am a "OCD Control Freak." I knew the decision that I wanted him to make. I wanted to scream at him and tell him that he taught me to be strong and to fight hard. I needed him to do the same. But I also knew that this was not my decision to make. This was Sam Dean's fight. This was one time that I had to love him enough to support him in whatever decision he wanted to make (although I am sure that I still did some persuasion!). Upon consulting with his GI and neurologist, Dad decided to fight. He decided to go with the feeding tube and participate in swallow therapy in an effort to regain some of his ability to swallow. After a brief scare and ICU stay, Dad went into surgery to get the tube placed in his stomach.

Coming home, we knew that the war was not over. There would be additional battles to face. This past week, we discovered that he is continuing to lose weight. Therefore, he is moving to a 16 hour continuous infusion plan where hopefully his body will absorb more nutrients and gain weight. At his neurologist this week, we discovered that the hospital doctor made a HUGE mistake with his Parkinson's meds. They had to transfer him to a different form of his Senimet that could be put through his tube. However, the doctor had only prescribed him half the dose that he had been taking prior to his hospital stay. Therefore, we saw a significant decline in his symptoms and ability to function since coming home. I will reserve my thoughts and words concerning this doctor for a more appropriate venue!! Thank goodness, our neurologist saw this error and corrected it. It will take a few days to get him back to therapeutic levels, but we are hoping with the correction in the medicine and new infusion plan, we will see brighter days ahead. I am fully convinced that Dad will win this particular battle.

Currently, Dad is participating in OT, PT, and swallow therapy through home health. He is fighting hard to regain his strength and ability to swallow. The mystery remains as to how much of his swallowing he will regain, but we are hopeful that we will see some improvement. 

Dad is not the only one fighting hard. Mom has been such a trooper. I have seen her work harder than ever to take care of him when I can't be there. She has taken her job very seriously and has worked tirelessly to step up and help. I am so proud of her and love her so much. 

Over the past 3 weeks, I have seen the Baptist Rabbi truly practice what he preaches. There is still much to be learned from the Baptist Rabbi, even in his "personal storm." 

• Life throws us curve balls. There are mountains and valleys. However, throughout the valleys, we don't let life "happen to us." We don't sit idle and wait to see what comes to us. We are active participants in life, capable of making decisions. Our choices do have an impact on the ultimate outcome of a situation. His decision to fight will pay off. 
• Prayer works. As my Dad lay unconscious in an ICU bed, we were given word that several congregations were in prayer for him. Not long after church started, my Dad opened his eyes. If you witnessed this happen, you can't deny that prayer played a part. We thank you for your prayers.
• Humor. Even in the midst of tough decisions, pain, and weakness, Dad has kept his humor. The nurses always leave with a smile and all caregivers fall in love with him. In fact, when he woke up for the first time in ICU, he stuck his tongue out at me! :)
• Faith gives you peace. Dad's faith has never wavered through this ordeal. He continues to be faithful to the Lord and seeks to do His will. He remains positive and has mentioned several times over the past few weeks how lucky he has been in his life. His glass is half full, and there is not doubt that faith plays a role in that.

I am so thankful that Sam Dean decided to fight! I am so glad that I see that sparkle in his eye that says, "I've got this!" There have been set backs, but Parkinson's has not ever met a man like my Dad. Through family and friends, we will all hold hands and go into battle together for a man that has taught us, and continues to teach us, so much. Keep that armor up, sweet Popman! You have lots of people praying and supporting you! Love you with all my heart.

The Delicate Balance

Fall is just around the corner. It is one of the best times of the year! Fall is a time where you will find my Dad doing the things that he enjoys the most: hiking and spending time outdoors. For many years, Dad would spend time with some of his closest friends on hiking trails, spending weekends at cabins in Roane Mountain, and having picnics in Cades Cove. He started a Hiking Club at First Baptist Church where monthly hikes were planned. Dad has hiked Mount LeConte many times in his life. In fact, he hiked the trail only a few days prior to being told he needed emergency triple bypass surgery! The cardiologist simply stated that he had a special angel looking out for him. There is really no medical explanation to why he made it off the mountain with the severe blockages in his heart. Still to this day, a few of his close friends will take him on short hikes. While several of the men have been plagued by health issues, they don't let the love of the outdoors keep them hidden in their homes. There is something about the vast outdoors that paradoxically brings people closer with a bond that is hard to describe.

For those of you who know my father, you are well aware that relationships are very important to him. He spent most of his waking hours ministering to others, laughing with people, crying with hurt ones, and doing acts of kindness to those in need. He also made his family a priority. He loved engaging us in conversation, giving us advice, and supporting us in our endeavors. There has never been a time that I questioned his love for us. Both my mother and he are examples of the unconditional love parents have for their children.

Although the Baptist Rabbi spent a great deal of time developing and maintaining special relationships in his life, he realized the importance of balance. He spent time developing and maintaining a relationship with himself as well. While we are a major component of his life, we have never been the center of his world. Dad has always made sure to maintain his own individuality throughout the twists and turns of life's curves.

There were times that you would find my father walking down Riverbend and Riverside alone. There were times that you would find him in his bedroom or living room meditating in silence. When we would take trips to the beach, you would find him on the balcony reading books. At times, you would see Mom and Dad take trips without Chris and me. When Scott and I began to have children, Mom and Dad would come to the house on a regular basis and tell us to go out on a date without the kids. He always encouraged us to spend planned time devoted to just our relationship outside of our children. For he knew it is very easy to keep the commitment to a relationship at the expense of another. And this includes the relationship to yourself.

There is a time for everything. There is a time to be social in groups. There is a time to be social with individuals. There is a time to focus on work. There is a time to focus on our children. There is a time to focus on our spouse. There is a time to focus on our aging parents. There is a time to focus on personal hobbies and activities that we personally enjoy. There is a time for us to focus on spending time alone with ourselves. The Baptist Rabbi and his wife were excellent examples of the importance of being well rounded. I am thankful that Dad enjoys hiking so much and modeled for me the importance of taking care of the individual as well as others. For we never know what life has in store for us. At some point, one of these aspects is going to be stripped from us in some capacity. When we store all of our efforts in only one area, life can easily fall apart.

Wise financial advisors will tell a client to diversify their funds. It is the safest and wisest thing to do with finances. My Dad would say the same thing about life. Diversify. Take time to develop and maintain relationships with your spouse, children, parents, in-laws, co-workers, neighbors, friends, church family, etc. Take time to find a career that brings happiness and do it to the best of your ability. However, take time to develop yourself. Find something that brings you personal joy. Spend time alone and spend time doing hobbies and activities that bring you personal satisfaction. Fill your personal bucket. By doing this, you will be better equipped to fill other people. Tipping the balance in either direction can take one to dangerous waters. Finding the correct balance will ensure when life falls apart in one area, we can lean on the support of other areas in our life to sustain. After all, when all is said and done, we end up with one constant.......ourselves. It is important to develop the self so when that is all we have left, we find happiness within our own skin.

Creating a Purposeful Circle

Would it surprise you to hear that the Baptist Rabbi and his wife are partiers? Indeed, it is true! The Dean household was always rocking with people. From church members to friends from near and far, there always seemed to be a Baptist style gathering occurring at the pastorium.

I recall going out to eat with a group of people for Sunday lunch. People would come over to the house on Sunday evenings. We met a wide variety of people at restaurants, the neighbor's pool, and at other people's homes. We hosted July 4 celebrations, Memorial Day celebrations, UT ballgame gatherings, Christmas Eve dinners, etc. If it was a special day, you could guarantee that we would be with people. Dad made it a priority to meet once a week with a pastor group where they would connect and refuel sharing stories and laughter. Dad always talked about the importance of these gatherings to his overall emotional health.

Mom and Dad modeled the concept of purposeful circle to me. Dad always has been a firm believer that you become much like who you choose to surround yourself. Mom and Dad knew that they could instill solid beliefs in me as parents, but my circle of friends were bound to have a much larger impact on the choices I made. Often, my parents would encourage me to surround myself with positive people who would lift me up and make me a better person. They encouraged me to purposefully seek out friends who would be a positive influence on me. And I will have to say that I did a better job on some occasions than others in heeding their advice. :)

As adults, it is important that we create our own purposeful circle. We ultimately take on traits of who we devote our time and attention. We all know those people that we are instantly drawn towards.  These people are genuine, they care about us as an individual, and they are filled with positivity. They challenge us to become a better individual. We are lifted up after spending time with them. On the flip side, there are an abundance of negative individuals that we encounter daily. These are the ones who see the glass as always half empty, find something negative to say about everything, and take joy in other's struggles and failures. If the truth be known, we all can sway both ways, given the particular circumstance or day.

Mom and Dad took time to  create a purposeful circle of community. They were well aware that a  positive, purposeful circle is not always easy to find. Over the years, Dad was offered several other church placements. However, he never took the bite. Although he had many reasons for staying in Clinton, I can only imagine that one of the deciding factors was his purposeful circle. When it is found, it is a treasure.

We have great control over creating our purposeful circle. Surrounding ourselves with people who will support us in our personal and professional growth is essential in walking this journey of life. We won't be able to rid ourselves of negative people, but we don't have to devote our time and energy to them. After all, if we do, we will easily get sucked into their behaviors and not even realize that we have taken on their thoughts and traits.

Participating in the purposeful circle is two-fold. We certainly want to seek out relationships that are uplifting, positive, and supportive. Do we choose to engage in nurturing relationships? However, it is equally as important to strive to be a good circle member. Do we purposefully lift people up? Do we see our glass as half full? Do we refuse to give negativity control? Do we believe in personal growth?

If we don't purposefully choose our own circle and strive to be a good circle member, a circle will certainly come find us. However, we won't be guaranteed of its benefits. People never crumble in a day; its a slow fade. Many times, that fade starts with the circle in which we choose. Thanks be to God that we have been given free will to determine our own purposeful circle.

The Equality in Unfairness

It’s one of those nights. It is one of the nights that I'm most like my father. Recent events are swirling in my mind as I try to make sense of the world around me. So, at 2:34 a.m., I lay awake trying to wrap my mind around it all. Last night, I watched a Christian mother bury her brave child. I watched teachers, police officers, friends, family, and a community mourn trying to makes sense of something that is incomprehensible. I came home and held my children a little tighter, while another mother entered a house without her child.

This week, our country endured yet another act of terrorism. Five innocent military men died at the hand of an anger filled man. Five families are left to pick up the pieces and try to wrap their heads around why this event occurred to their loved ones.

Just a few weeks ago, I watched my mother suffer in a hospital bed, begging Jesus to come and take her to heaven. As her weak body lay in the hospital bed recovering from the second surgery in a month, my father stayed beside her in the room and wept, watching the love of his life continue to endure pain and unexplained health issues. While trying to wrap his hands around the events of her news, he continues to fight his own demons of Parkinsons and PHN from one of the worst documented cases of shingles. Yet they both are examples of what it is like to live a life serving the Lord. They have lived one of the purest lives with an unwavering faith in God, but they both wake up each day to fight their own individual health issues.

We all have our own situations. We all have our own experiences that leave us pondering “Why us?” or “Why them?” In our simple human minds, we want to believe in Karma. If we do good, good things will happen to us. We find satisfaction when bad things happen to bad people. Many of us have been known to flippantly make the statement, “Karma will come back to bite them.”  But guess what? The Baptist Rabbi would beg to differ. We can be guaranteed of one thing. Bad things WILL happen to good people.

Why do bad things happen to good people? This is a common question asked to pastors. Dad raised Chris and me to firmly understand that life is not fair. Dad took the time to teach us about God’s free will. When bad things happen to good people, we often ask ourselves “Why did God do this to us?” Oftentimes, you will hear people respond something similar to, “It is all God’s plan.” Everyone has their own beliefs on this, and all readers are certainly entitled to disagree. I am certainly no theologian or biblical scholar. However, I simply can’t wrap my head around my God willing terrible things to happen to us: childhood cancer, battered women, loss of loved ones through tragic events, terrorism, chronic pain, poverty, etc. However, because of free will, the things of this world are allowed to happen to us. Some because of personal decisions we have made, and other times, because of decisions other people or society has made without our input. And oftentimes, for no explainable reason at all.

My Dad taught me that God doesn’t necessarily cause these things to happen, but He allows them to happen in a world of free will. However, He is certainly present in all situations, helping guide our reactions and supporting our temporary unbelief.  This world is not, has never been, and will never be an equal playing field. However, we can be assured of one thing. There is equality in unfairness. Unfair events affect us all. Life is not fair. We will all experience times where life is not fair and we have questions. And there are many questions that simply don’t have an explainable answer. But God has not abandoned us. He loves us and is walking beside us in this world of free will.

Free will is not always bad. God has given us great control over the choices that we make and the direction that we take our lives. But my personal prayer in the middle of this night is simple and heartfelt. When our human minds can’t wrap around the events of unexplained pain and suffering, dear God, please hold us close. Let us feel Your peace and know that there is a day where free will will turn into a place where all is equal, fair, and we hear the words, “Job well done.”  

Dads and Doors

All around our nation this weekend, sons and daughters are taking time to celebrate their fathers. This weekend will bring a range of emotions from people - maybe happiness, maybe mourning, maybe longing. For our past experiences will certainly shape the activities of this weekend. Whether good or bad, we are products of our parenting. Their guidance during the first portion of our lives consciously and subconsciously shapes our adult life. 

Parents often talk to their children about making good choices and staying on the right path. While my parents certainly wanted me to stay on the right path, they realized their role in making this happen. They were the “door opener” of our family.  Mom and Dad always made it a point for Chris and me to have an abundance of experiences. From trips to extracurricular activities, we were always busy learning the variety of things that life has to offer. Reminiscing with Chris a few weeks ago, he told me of a conversation he had with Dad immediately after he graduated from UT. Dad told him that he was to accept the first job he could find, no matter where it was, and GO. I’m sure that Mom and Dad would have preferred for us all to stay together as a family in the Clinton area, but he opened a door for Chris to go where he could provide for his family. Still to this day, Mom and Dad encourage us both to enter uncomfortable areas to grow as an individual. They have always suppressed their agenda for us and created open doors for us to create our own path.

One of the most powerful beliefs that the Baptist Rabbi holds is the theory of doors. People fall into 2 categories: door openers and door closers. The individual success of people largely depends on others opening doors for them. We all have our own stories of people who have helped us succeed and people who have interfered with that process. Over the past 3 years, my family has grown very close to our pastor, Charla. She has ministered to our family in such a special way. As we learned that she had been given a new church assignment, we were devastated. As we left her last Sunday, my Dad and I both left with tears bubbling in our eyes. Then the powerful words came from Sam Dean, “As much as we love Charla, you are now charged to determine what kind of person you will be. Will you be a door opener or a door closer? Charla has been given new door. Will you help her open that door to continue her ministry? The new pastor coming in has just begun her ministry career. You have the ability to open the door for her, which could open further doors for her down the road. Or you have the ability to shut the door, impacting her ministry for the future. Which person do you want to be? Everyone needs someone to be the door opener. That is what God has called us to do.” 

Individuals are powerful human beings. We have much more control over people’s destiny than we realize. Even the smallest of actions can open large doors for individuals. This Father’s Day, I am thankful that my parents taught me the power of doors. I am thankful that they have always been a step ahead of me opening doors for me to grow as an individual. I am thankful that in times of me being selfish, they remind me that life is not all about me. God calls each of us to step away from our self-absorbtion and purposefully create open doors for others. God is on the other side of that door waiting to do great things for others if we will only accept the call to open the door for them.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for teaching me (and continually reminding me) to be a door opener for others. Happy Father’s Day!

A-1 Sauce and Alto

Isn’t it funny the small stories that you remember growing up? Sometimes Mom and Dad will tell stories of trips, visits, and events that I have no recollection; yet I remember random, small events that seem meaningless. Or are they? Some of the lessons I have learned come from those very events.

Growing up, we were very special friends with the Rumph family. Betty Rumph lost her husband at a very young age and raised 2 fabulous children, Jay and Julie, as a single mom. After church on Sunday, we would find ourselves with the Rumphs at a steakhouse in Oak Ridge. It was one of the highlights of my week. Every week, Jay would order the same meal - always accompanied with french fries. For those of you who know my Dad, he LOVES french fries. It was a weekly event for Dad to reach over and grab some of Jay’s french fries. It was not long before Dad was identified as “The French Fry Monster.” Typical children will reach for the ketchup to smother the fries, but not Jay. He liked to spice them up in a different way. When the french fries arrived, he would immediately ask for the A-1 Sauce. Looking back, I wonder if that was his way of trying to save his french fries from the “The French Fry Monster.” If so, I don’t recall it working. Dad found that combination fascinating! Dad was always impressed that he chose to eat his fries in a different way. Jay thought outside the box and spiced up an otherwise simple food. Somehow, the A-1/ French Fry Monster combination created a special bond between a Rabbi and a boy. As time moved forward, Jay and Dad became hiking buddies, and he still remains special to my Dad today.

For those of you who know us well, you know that Kristina Pearce Haury holds a very special place in the heart of my family. We were inseparable growing up.  Krista and I were dedicated members of the FBC youth choir and Clinton High School chorus. We loved to sing….and at the time, we thought we sounded fabulous! Krista always accompanied us on our annual Spring Break trip to the beach. On the 7 hour ride to the beach, we thought we would bless Mom and Dad with the gift of voice. We thought we would spare them the torture of listening to rock music on the radio. So, being the thoughtful teenagers we were, we decided to give them a free concert of our musical repertoire….all in ALTO. No melody, only the flatline, tedious, monotone of alto. While we thought we sounded angelical, I’m sure that we did not even do justice to alto. To this day, Dad remembers these trips as being torture.  Being the fabulous father that he is, he never said a word. He let us sing. He now describes that event as one of the most painful experiences of his travels!

Sam Dean has always been a proponent of enjoying the spice of life. For those of you who know him well, you can see why he loved the A-1 sauce, but found alto in isolation to be unbearable. Alto is an important piece to the overall musical production. However, by itself, it is horrific. It does not provide the same  enjoyment as when all the the musical parts are sung together. It takes the alto, soprano, tenor, and bass working together, each mastering their own craft, to make a beautiful musical performance. The same is true for life. We all have our own voices, talents, and interests. However, if we were all the same, what a boring place it would be! It is in our variety that we bring beautiful harmony to the world. Our individual differences are the A-1 sauce that provide flavor to churches, workplaces, and communities. The Baptist Rabbi has never demanded that people embrace his interests or beliefs. He has always encouraged each person to embrace the individual that God calls them to be. He has never been threatened that it will be different than him. For it is important that we all sing our own part, but be willing to do it along with others to create a beautiful harmony of community. Thank God for A-1 sauce and for the ability to move beyond alto and enjoy the magnificent harmony created when we come together as a community of faith, each singing our own part and embracing the differences in notes that are sung.

Balcony People

Growing up, I was always fascinated with balconies. At six years old, I remember being so excited about Dad becoming pastor of First Baptist Church mainly because I saw the balcony. There was something special about being able to sit in the balcony and look down at the pulpit. As a kid, I was always intrigued that the balcony appeared to be suspended in the air, with no support beams. The youth always found themselves magnetized to the back row of the balcony each Sunday. I would like to say that we actively listened and participated in the service, but that was not always the case. And yes, occasionally, I would get an evil eye from my sweet father from the pulpit! I have heard lots and lots of Dad’s sermons, and there are a few that I still vividly recall as if he preached them yesterday. One was the sermon called “The Balcony People.” I guess the title intrigued me since I considered myself to be a “Balcony Kinda Girl”. But my Dad had a very different definition of balcony than me.  In this particular sermon, Dad talked about how God places special people in your life to support you, away from the limelight, in the distance, or from the balcony. These people may not always be directly present in your daily life, but they are always sitting in the balcony, looking out for you and your best interest. Most people have balcony people in their lives. We may not talk to these people on a regular basis, but somewhere in our journey they have helped pave the way for our individual successes. We are all products of our support or lack thereof.

Meet Jack and Sarah. During my Dad’s college years, he became pastor of a small Baptist country church named Mountain View. Jack and Sarah, a young couple in their early thirties, regularly attended his service. Jack and Sarah had no children of their own. Sarah had grown up in a Methodist Children’s Group Home. As most people do, they grew very fond of the young Baptist Rabbi. Sarah was actually one of the first people Dad baptized. They often invited him over for lunch and fed him hot meals after church. As Dad made his way to seminary on limited funds, they sent him money each semester to help make ends meet. They never expected anything in return, other than for Dad to follow God’s will. Throughout Dad’s ministry, Jack and Sarah remained an important part of his life. In fact, a few years ago a tornado came through Greene County, reeking havoc on the area where the now elderly couple lives. Dad did not hesitate to get in his car and drive to their house to check on them to make sure they did not need assistance. Jack and Sarah were not by Dad’s physical side throughout his entire ministry, but they were always present in the balcony, looking out for his best interest and cheering him on. They continue to be such dedicated balcony people. Dad is keenly aware that he may have never finished seminary if it were not for their support from the balcony.

Over the years, Dad has always given credit to his balcony members, for there are an abundance. He has been known to tear up when talking about the special people in Greenville, Johnson City, Jonesboro, Clinton, Etowah, Knoxville, and North Carolina that have supported him in his ministry. The Baptist Rabbi’s balcony is full. Although Dad has been retired for several years, he has continued to serve as a balcony member to other people in a variety of communities. When able, he has continued to do weddings, funerals, visit the sick, etc. Unfortunately, Parkinson’s became a member of our family several years ago. Although his disease has appeared to stabilize at this time, he feels that it is time to put an official end to the public side of his 50+ years in the ministry. But Dad remembers the significance of his balcony. So, for those of you who graciously read my blog, we hope that you will be able to join us on Sunday, May 17, 2015 at First Baptist Church in Clinton, when the Baptist Rabbi will express gratitude for all of his balcony members who have supported his life of ministry. It will certainly be a special day honoring all the people who have shown the Dean family love and support over the years. 

As for me, I am thankful that I have been shaped by the many sermons of my Dad. I am thankful that Sam and Marie Dean sit in my balcony. I’m sure that they both sit in many people’s balcony that have had the fortune of being a recipient of their ministry/friendship. The Baptist Rabbi taught me the importance of expressing gratitude to the members of my balcony. However, he also taught me that it is equally as important to be a “balcony sitter.” For the balcony is an intriguing place to be. Sitting back, taking in the aerial view, can provide a completely different perspective. Supporting and loving people from the balcony offers great gratification. Balcony love suspends, without support beams, for many years. Thanks be to God for providing our personal balconies.

**Side note: Although Dad’s public ministry may be coming to an end, there are still many stories to tell. Lots more blogging to come! 

The Truth Shall Set You Free, But Sometimes Requires Some Creativity!

Growing up in the Dean household, there were very few non-negotiables. Mom and Dad were fabulous about walking us through situations, but there were very few hard core limits that were set upon Chris and me - with the exception of one thing. All good parents teach their children that “honesty is the best policy.” But this idea has been placed on steroids under the Baptist Rabbi’s roof. Dad could put Abraham Lincoln to shame. Honesty is extremely important to my Dad. To this day, I’m not sure if this virtue was a product of his raising from a Missionary Baptist minister or if it developed within himself along his journey of ministry. But Sam Dean does not tell a lie. And he does not tolerate people who do. There are very few things that will send Dad to a state of anger, but someone who is not honest will certainly takes him to an unhappy place.

I can attest that if you have ever paid Dad for a funeral or wedding, taxes have been reported and paid. I can assure you that if you have told Dad something in confidence through a counseling session or through a simple conversation, it remains sealed in a vault. There have been times that I learned NOT to ask him if my hair looked good, if he liked my outfit, or if he thought I looked like I had gained weight. I knew I would get an honest answer! A few weeks ago, he had to pay a man to fix his heating unit at his house in Jonesboro. He did not feel that the man charged him enough to repair, so he made sure to pay him an additional amount. He could not bear to think he had cheated someone in anyway. As we have explored outside agencies to come in and help them with lawn care and housework, it is a non-negotiable that they work for an agency that pays taxes on what he gives them. My Dad would tell you that honesty is the key to a clear mind. 

On the surface, we would all pretty much agree with his thinking. After all, who would disagree that “Thou shalt not tell a lie.” Seems simple, until certain situations arise. Being a minister often means that you are well-fed. There are Sunday School parties, Christmas parties, Wednesday night meals, small group gatherings, etc. that ensure that food and socialization are always available. Earlier in his ministry, a sweet lady decided to bless him with a beautiful homemade pie including a plethora of fluffy meringue. For those of you who know Mom and Dad, they LOVE a chance to enjoy homemade desert! Dad thanked her for her kind gesture and eagerly anticipated taking the pie home to enjoy. Mom and Dad cut the delicious looking pie and placed a large piece on their plate. As they both placed the first bite in their mouth, they immediately discovered something was wrong!!! Something terrible was wrong!! It tasted horrible! They couldn’t continue….not even with the first bite! How could something so beautiful taste so horrible? They came to the conclusion that the sweet, elderly lady must have left a key ingredient out of the pie. It did not affect the visual presentation of the gift, but certainly affected the taste. At church the next Sunday, the lady approached Dad and asked the dreaded question, “How did you like the pie?” Dad hesitated as his core values were being tested. What was one to say? After all, he was very thankful for her kind gift, and he would never in a million years want to hurt her heart. However, he cannot tell a lie! Thank goodness, the Baptist Rabbi can think quickly on his feet. He responded as any honest, God-loving man would do. “Thank you for the pie! It certainly did not last long around our house!” 

While Dad still laughs about this story, he does not laugh at the seriousness of honesty. He has often recognized that being honest comes with consequences. Sometimes being honest means that others will disagree or become upset. As Dad served on several committees and boards, he was never ashamed to speak his mind in an honest manner. While some may not always agree with what is said, people have come to trust that “what you see is what you get” with my Dad.  He firmly believes that the truth shall set you free. There is no doubt that my Dad can lay his head down at night with a clear conscience that he is a man of his word. There is a great deal to be learned from the actions and values of the Baptist Rabbi. Telling the truth is not always easy, but it is the right thing to do. Sam Dean has taught me that honesty is the best policy, but sometimes it does take a little creativity! 

Sidenote #1: For those of you who have baked Mom and Dad items, don't worry! It was not you! This happened a very long time ago in one of his previous churches. Ha!

Disabling Reverse

Dad was the one charged with the dreaded parental responsibility of teaching me how to drive. Combining this task with his lack of patience did not create an ideal combination! He spent lots of time teaching me the aspects of defensive driving. I can still hear him saying, “You always want to anticipate a mistake that a nearby driver might make and compensate for it. Always be on the look-out for ill-equipped drivers.” I learned that skill quite well, but reverse always gave me trouble. When getting my driver’s license, the assessor asked me to back into a parking space, of which I did a pathetic job. I somehow managed to perfectly straddle the white lines instead of landing my car in between them! I think he had a soft heart because it was my 16th birthday, so he gave me my driver’s license anyway as a gift of pity. Dad always joked that he gave me one month before I had my first wreck. And I did not disappoint. A few weeks after turning 16, he was called away from the pulpit on a Wednesday night right before church. He was informed that I had backed into another car in the McDonald’s parking lot. Yes, reverse had gotten me into some trouble. 

Throughout the years, Mom and Dad have always made it a priority to spend time with my kids. Mallory and Drew have grown to depend on both of them for support. Some of their favorite times is listening to their “Popman” tell stories and giving them words of wisdom. Mallory will graduate high school this year. With the entire world in front of her, she has many life decisions at her fingertips. We all remember the pressure that this entails. As she often does, she called up Popman to take her to dinner for a free counseling session. As the dinner unfolded, Mallory discussed with Dad all her options of college choices, extra-curricular opportunities, future desires, and fears. As always, the Baptist Rabbi had words for her to cling to in the upcoming days. He encouraged her to listen to her desires and what God was speaking to her. He explicitly told her that when she made a decision, she needed to move full steam forward with all her heart and soul. He told her that there would be times that she would be tempted to play the “what if” game and wonder what her journey would be like if she would have chosen another path. He emphatically told her to never look back once she made her decision. He told her that life is full of experiences and missed opportunities. Sometimes we will make the right choices and sometimes we will regret the decisions that we made. But all experiences are worthwhile if we learn from it - even the bad ones. However, if we focus on what could have been or what we would have done differently, it can consume our lives and keep us from profiting from the present. He encouraged her to spend great time in thought and prayer making the best decision she can make with the information she has at this time. Then don’t look back. Don’t give the past any power.

I would like to say that my skill of driving in reverse has gotten better over the years, but it simply hasn’t. My family still makes fun of me trying to back out of the driveway trying to avoid our brick wall. But maybe there is a reason. Maybe it is because it is deep seated in me that there is not power in going backwards.  What we have passed and encountered is behind us. There is much more peace and comfort in looking ahead and driving forward. But in driving forward, we must remember our defensive driving skills. For there are crazy drivers out there. We must think ahead, anticipate potential catastrophes, and adjust our moves based on other’s decisions. We must make the best decision with the information presented around us. Unfortunately, we will still sometimes crash. But the good news is cars spend much more time in the forward gear than in reverse. There is positive power in limiting the amount of time we spend in reverse.

Strategies for Walking on Ice

It has been an interesting 2 weeks in East TN for sure! I can’t remember a time when we have canceled school for 2 weeks straight due to continuous snow and ice invasions. We all have fond memories of snow events from our childhood. I recall our house being grand central station with snow cream in the kitchen, the dryer in constant motion drying wet clothes, sleds all over the driveway, and the most fabulous event of all…..night sledding down the infamous Armstrong Hill! Snow always brought a new level of excitement in the Dean household, and no one loved it more than the Baptist Rabbi.

Over the past 2 weeks, we have witnessed organizations shut down due to the treacherous weather. That never happened at our house. We were never afforded the opportunity to call in to our part time jobs due to the weather. Dad would make sure that we got there, and he would offer to pick up anyone who may be hoping to use the snow as an excuse to opt out of work! I rarely recall church ever being canceled due to the weather. Dad would hop in the car and open it up for anyone who wanted to worship. Dad could never sit idle in the snow. He could always find a reason to go tackle the ailments. It was a challenge he just couldn’t turn down. And he was known a time or two to take Chris out on the roads for a few rounds of doughnuts!

Of course, Dad being the fabulous Dad he was, could even use a snow event to teach lessons. One day, he decided he was going to teach us the proper way to walk on ice. Yes, ice. He put on wool socks to demonstrate to us that how the socks would stick to the ice, creating a safe environment for travel. He confidently put on the socks, carefully explaining the science behind this safety trick. With his head held high, he exited the back door and stepped onto the concrete patio. He took his first step of demonstration. Then it happened……he took a leap of faith that ended up as a tumble of terror. His feet immediately slipped out from under him and his head crashed flat onto the concrete of ice!!! As I hear of all the injuries that have happened on the ice in the past few weeks, it is a shear miracle that he survived. Still to this day, we are pretty sure he ended up with a concussion. But for those of you who know my Dad, he is very hard headed. There would be no trips to the doctor. 

This past week, Dad once again ventured out in the inclement weather to get Cameron, his grandson, a birthday card. He knew the roads were icy. As he exited the car, he strategically planned his steps to safely enter Food City. He successfully traveled over the ice to the front doors. He discussed his strategy for safely making the trip. He planned his steps carefully to try to hit areas of the concrete that had melted or had turned into slush. For those of you who are wondering, he did not have on his wool socks! He is definitely one to learn from experience, so he had on his hiking boots! He got the needed supplies and returned to the car. As he lifted one leg to get in the car, his other foot slipped. Down he went. Only this time, he could not get up alone. The ice was much too slippery. A good samaritan saw him fall and quickly came to his rescue. No injuries, other than his pride. Would this be enough to keep him from braving the snow and ice? I think you already know the answer.

Snow and ice present challenges. It demands a certain respect. We can create certain strategies and plans to help us tackle the icy conditions, but they are not fool proof. At times we are bound to fall. At times, our pride is bound to take a tumble. But the ice has never kept my Dad from attempting to live while it is present. One fall did not keep him down. And I am willing to bet that the most recent fall will not alter his viewpoints. At times, life gets icy. Traveling the road can be tricky and requires us to implement a completely different skill set to effectively maneuver through it. Sometimes, we think one strategy will be effective, and we simply fall on our hard heads. Other times, we are as careful as we can be, and we still fall on our hiney! At some point, our pride will simply hit rock bottom. Sam Dean has taught me that a few falls should never stop us from living. A few hits on our pride should not stop us from standing back up and walking with our head held high. Life’s ice is dangerous. But when we take a fall, there is opportunity to learn new approaches to effectively tackle the next storm.

Overcoming Car Sickness

Isn’t being carsick a terrible feeling? Growing up, I remember getting car sick traveling through the mountains of North Carolina on our way to Lumberton, my Mom’s home. On occasions, Mom would give me Dramamine, although I’m not sure if it was really for car sickness or simply to knock me out! I recall dreading this portion of the trip because I never knew if it would hit me or not. It was unpredictable.  I never knew what the curves through the mountains would bring me. However, once I arrived to Lumberton, I always enjoyed playing with my cousins, exploring the swamp, hanging out at Margie’s house, and going to my cousin Billy's convenient story where he always greeted me as “Kelly Springfield” (and I still don’t know why!). 

I think most of you would agree that we don’t like being unsure of what the immediate future will bring. Life certainly has its unknown curves, twists, and bends. If you have had the pleasure of knowing my Mother, you know that she has battled many health issues along her journey. Her prognosis has never been positive. My Mom and Dad moved to Clinton when I was 6 so he could become the pastor of First Baptist Church. When he interviewed with the search committee, he had to confess their current situation. Mom had been diagnosed with an auto-immune disease called Scleroderma. The prognosis was not uplifting. If it continued to progress, my Dad would be the single father of 2 small children. It was very important to him that he was completely honest with the church regarding their current state. Graciously, the church had faith that this is where God wanted our family to be. Mom and Dad did not know what the immediate future held, but they took a leap of faith and kept living. They continued driving through the curves.

Luckily, the scleroderma has remained in remission over the years. However, Mom’s health issues have always given them a different perspective on life. They were ready to tackle the twists of life, taking nothing for granted. They traveled to Hawaii, flew to Europe, hiked with friends, took beach trips, continued to travel to North Carolina, bought a house in Jonesboro (a place they still hold close to their heart) and in Greenville (Dad’s mother’s house), rented cabins with friends, got up early to see sunrises, completed mission work in New Zealand, and the list goes on and on. Mom and Dad knew that they could not predict what God had in store for them, but they knew that He wanted them to live, experience life, and trust HIS plan.

For those of you who know, Mom has continued to battle multiple health issues. At this time, it has affected her mobility and her ability to socialize on the level in which she prefers. Dad continues to battle Parkinson’s and permanent PHN from shingles. However, his mind is still sharp as a tack! He often tells me that he is so thankful that he made it a priority to do the things he wanted to do when they were able. He is so thankful that he didn’t wait to experience all the joys of life in his later years.

As they continue to be troopers, never knowing what the next day holds, they live with no regrets. I can only imagine how “carsick” they became when they were delivered the news that Mom would possibly not be with us past her 30’s. They both could have easily given in at this moment, but they didn’t! They drove through the mountains, embracing all the twists and turns. They didn’t try to play God, predicting what the ultimate outcome would be. They knew it could have played out a multitude of ways. But until the plan is fully disclosed, they continue to live.

Scott and I found ourselves in a “carsick” situation this last spring when he was diagnosed with a malignant tumor on his retina.  This type of cancer is so rare, they do not do treatments in the East TN area. So we set off on a journey for 9 days in Memphis for treatment.  For those of you who have walked the journey of cancer, you know the exact roller coaster this presents. Five years of CT scans, blood work, an unknown future, and the list goes on and on. Only people who have experienced this know how this changes your life. Scott and I naturally wanted to close ourselves up and play the “wait and see” game. But we kept reminding ourselves of the lesson to be learned from the “Baptist Rabbi” and his wife. Crossing the mountains is tough work. It’s unpredictable. There will be moments of car sickness; moments when we just want to take the Dramamine and sleep through until we get to our ultimate destination. But instead of wasting our time and energy trying to predict God’s plan, we will continue living, doing the good work He has set us to do. He is already there on the other side of the mountain, earnestly desiring us to live life to the fullest through all the unexpected bends of uncertainty.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for living your life as an example of how to live in peace with God's plan.

MOVE!

Sometimes situations can collide, creating a perfect storm. I vividly remember an example of this when I was in 4th grade. Being the fabulous role model Sam Dean was, he decided that he would become my Optimist (community league) basketball coach. After all, what better way to serve as a role model, while developing stellar athletes on the Clinton Elementary basketball court? Dad arrived at the first practice with drills prepared, anticipating an eager group of girls ready to tackle the court with passion and skill. He was ready to take on the challenge of coaching a group of girls to the #1 spot. However, we showed up for practice talking about the cute boys, discussing the next sleepover, and most important of all, deciding what outfit would be worn the next day. Who had time for drills, skills, and coaching feedback?  Towards the end of the season, we found ourselves with no wins. And it was bad. Very bad. Despite his best efforts, I remained scared of the ball, running in the opposite direction anytime it came my way.

I remember one particular game where we were losing by approximately 45 points. With a few seconds remaining, Suzie Webber, a member of our team, threw up a last second shot. SWOOSH! It went in and closed the spread to 43 points! Our entire team busted out in loud cheers, jumping hugs, and extreme celebration. After all, who wouldn’t celebrate a last second shot!!?? The perfect storm was created! A mature adult, with serious coaching ambitions, clashed with a group of silly ten year old girls who just wanted to have a good time. And the conflict of goals met with loud crashes of thunder, bright bolts of lightning, damaging winds, and sheets of rain! I’m pretty sure that The Baptist Rabbi lost a bit of his religion at that very moment! He could not fathom our celebration of a last second shot with the existing score. Somehow he managed to maintain his cool in front of the team. However, he was not finished with me. So he put into action a coaching plan for his daughter, which started with learning a new vocabulary word….AGGRESSIVE.

He gave up on our team winning a single game during the season, but he was determined that he was going to teach me how to be respectfully aggressive. My goal during the next game was to not hide behind people on the court, and I had to foul at least one person. During the last game, I finally got in touch with my “inner aggression” and I actually fouled out. As I heard the referee’s whistle blow, signifying the last foul, I saw my Dad clapping and screaming on the sidelines, giving me a standing ovation. I can only imagine what the rest of the audience was thinking! Of course, we lost.  However, Dad considered my foul out to be a success. I moved! I was no longer idle.

Dad has never been one to sit. He couldn’t afford to. While he grew up in a house of love, there was not a great amount of finances to support higher education. He always knew that education would be his key to a better life, but the road would not come easy. Dad had to drop out of ETSU his first semester because he could not find transportation to school each day. This became a pivotal point in his life. He could have easily used this as an excuse to quit. It would have been easy for him to simply say, “It is not meant to be. It must be God’s will for me not to go to college.” However, he did not. He engaged in respectful aggressiveness, and he took action.  He transferred to Tusculum College where he could catch the bus to school. Grocery store wages helped him pay his way.  When he received the call to become a minister, he had some tough decisions to make. He could have easily said, “It is just not meant to be.”  However, he created a respectfully aggressive plan of how he could pay cash for both college and seminary. Amazingly, he graduated with his Masters of Divinity with no school debt. How? He moved. He did not sit idle. He crafted a goal, developed a plan, and executed that plan with extreme precision. He took control of his situation, sacrificed immediate gratifications, implemented some healthy aggression, and fought his way through some tough years - trusting God every step of the way. God certainly provided, but Dad had to work hard for it. There were many bumps on the way and many God-sent people that helped him through. It was not sent down on a cloud from heaven wrapped in a big red bow!

In Dad’s 50 years of ministry, he has seen another perfect storm occur in people’s lives. We often hear Christian's make the comment, "If it is God's will.." At times, we use the comment to give us permission to sit idle and wait passively for His will to occur. We wait for God to do all the work. Then when things don’t improve or get better, we tend to blame it on the “Will of God.” The clash of idleness and the will of God has occurred, and the storm is in full force. God indeed has a will for us, but he has also given us free choice to determine what decisions we will make toward his will. Do we hide when the basketball gets thrown our way? Do we find ourselves as passive recipients of the other team’s decisions and actions?

Dad taught me that God did not put us here to live passively and let the world happen TO us. He placed us here to be active participants in this world. We can only find solace in the storm when we embrace the peace that God has desires for us. However, we have to be willing to get up, follow the call, and work for it. God will pave the walkway for the journey, but we must commit to taking the steps on the road. Sometimes that means being respectfully aggressive, moving out of our comfort zone, and standing up for what is right. God never promised that it would be easy, but He did promise to provide if we listen to His will. So what are we waiting for? God is ready. Let’s get up and MOVE!

Sidenote #1: My Dad, still to this day, says that coaching that basketball team was one of the most frustrating things he has ever done. At the end of that season, he officially retired from Optimist coaching! :)

Sidenote #2: After 2 years of basketball, I only scored 2 points - both foul shots. I also retired from basketball in the name of saving my Dad’s nerves. :)

The Power of Presence

It's happened to all of us. Those dreaded moments in time when you wish your life had a rewind button and you would instantaneously receive a free “re-do”. It may even be a situation in which you perseverate for many days, wondering if the recipient of your mistake remembers as vividly as you! Several years ago, Scott attended the funeral of one of his friend’s sister. As he approached the family, he worried about the exact words of comfort that he could share with his childhood friend. Being a close friend, it was important to him to provide those magic words of peace that would make the situation just a tad bit better. Inching closer, he quickly found himself face to face where the verbal transaction would begin……..And then it came……..the words of comfort……”Hey. How’s it going?” The end. That was it. That is all that came. “How’s it going?” Immediately mortified, Scott thought to himself, “Really??? Those were my comforting words? How insensitive! Of course he is not doing well! His sister passed away! Can I please initiate that rewind button and have a do-over?” Doing what we commonly do when we have questions in life, he turned to Sam Dean for words of wisdom. And of, course, Dad did not disappoint.

Growing up, I remember my parents always being there. As a 43 year old working mother of two, I now know what a commitment that was. Being a pastor was not a 40 hour a week job. It was a great deal more than 2-3 sermons a week. It involved middle of the night phone calls, long hospital visits, weekend weddings, out of town funerals, Sunday School parties, weekend retreats, long counseling sessions, and spur of the moment crisis management. When he got the call that someone needed him, there was no second thought. Out the door he would go. He left in the middle of the night, and he left in the middle of dinner.  I even remember a few times where we cut our vacation short because someone needed him back in Clinton. Many of you reading this may remember a time that the “Baptist Rabbi” came to you in a time of need. We graciously shared our father with hundreds of families because we knew the power of his presence.

Amazingly, Chris and I never felt the stress of his ministry. He was always there for us. He made an effort to spend alone time with me. In elementary school, I remember him coming in from work and going to the driveway to shoot basketball with me (I also remember how frustrated he would get trying to teach me how to shoot a lay-up, but that is a story for another day).  He made an effort to really listen to me. Growing up, he would always ask about my day, and you couldn’t get off the hook by saying, “It was good.” He would dig deeper. I’m sure I acted like these conversations drove me nuts, but in reality, I looked forward to them everyday. He made an effort to build a family who supported each other. I remember us traveling to all of Chris’s basketball games. A few times, we landed in some shady motels in which I’m sure he was glad to see us escape alive! Finally, he made an effort to support us in all our extra-curricular activities. He never missed one of my 11 piano recitals, although he would probably prefer I not mention that he was known to sneak in late to escape the key plucking of the beginners. I just remember Mom and Dad always being present.

As I grew older, the power of his presence was felt in both happy and tense times. When I received my first A on a college paper, Mom and Dad drove to Carson Newman to take me on a celebratory dinner. My first year of teaching, I was involved in a wreck on my way to school. Not long afterwards, Dad was at school checking on me. Early in my marriage, Scott traveled out of town for a week. After hearing a big bump in the night, Dad drove to Knoxville in the middle of the night to sleep on my couch. No questions asked. No humiliation. Only his presence. Fast forward a few years later... doctors discovered a tumor in my right ear that was going to require a fairly extensive surgery in a Nashville hospital. Within one hour of the doctor delivering this news, Mom and Dad were on my doorstep to offer their presence. This spring, Scott was diagnosed with a malignant tumor in his right eye. Immediately, we were in the presence of my Mom and Dad. In all of these situations, they didn’t have magic words to fix the situation. Honestly, I don’t really recall the exact words that they even said. I just remember how comforting it was to be in their presence. Scott and I have always found Mom and Dad’s presence to be comforting and supportive.

So what words of wisdom did the “Baptist Rabbi” bestow on Scott regarding words to say at a funeral? You probably know by now. Sometimes words just can’t make it better. Many times, our words can’t fix a situation, but our presence is what will have the lasting effect. Oftentimes, people won’t remember specific words spoken, but they will remember who took the time to come be with them. These words still speak to me today as we live in this world of social media. It is so easy to send quick words of comfort on Facebook or via text message. At least for me, I then fall into the trap that I have supported this person in some lasting way. Let Sam Dean’s words of wisdom live in our hearts knowing that there are times when there are no words of comfort, but God can use our presence to offer peace and support both in times of celebration and tribulation. There IS power in our presence.

Skinny Marinky Dinky Dink

I vividly recall the big orange bean bag on our den floor back in the 70’s. It was accompanied by the beautiful yellow and brown plaid couch, wood panel walls, and linoleum gold/cream floors. And we loved it….at the time! :) One of my fondest memories of the orange bean bag was “The Bean Bag Song.” I would curl up on the bean bag with my Dad and he would begin singing…… 

Skinny Marinky Dinky Dink, 

Skinny Marinky do. 

I love you. 

Skinny Marinky Dinky Dink, 

Skinny Marinky do. 

I love you. 

Oh, I love you in the morning, 

and I love you late at night. 

I love you in the evening, 

when the sun is shining bright, OHHHH…… (This is when Dad would pick you up, fall over with you on the bean bag, and begin tickling the living daylight out of you!)

Skinny Marinky Dinky Dink, 

Skinny Marinky do. 

I LOOOOVVVEEE YOU!

Chris and I became very much like Pavlov’s dog. We were conditioned to begin laughing before Dad even remotely got to the “tickle part.” We would beg and beg for him to take position on the bean bag for our daily dose of Skinny Marinky Dink. 

The Dean household was always filled with much laughter. Mom and Dad knew how to balance life’s seriousness with an abundance of laughter. Dad has always had lots of side hobbies, including mastering the art of repairing TVs (this was back in the day of channel knobs and picture tubes - when a layman could actually replace TV parts!!). In the early 80’s, Chris and I were called into Mom and Dad’s bedroom. Dad was very solemn in his announcement for the entire family to enter the bedroom. Upon gathering, Dad calmly set us down and said that we needed to have a family meeting about a serious matter. He informed us that there had been a death in the family. Mom, Chris, and I gasped as we braced ourselves for the terrible news that had just afflicted our family! Dad slowly pointed to the console TV that had lived in their bedroom since arriving in Clinton. He waved the white flag of surrender that he could not revive the old TV. So we were required to do what every normal family would do…….we held a funeral for the TV, including songs, reflective thoughts, and a proper eulogy. To this day, I think Mom might still hold a tad bit of grudge that Dad gave her a heart attack, but this is still a memory that we laugh about 35 years later.

Very few people are aware that Sam Dean has many other talents. He is a great cheerleader! When my best friend, Kristina Pearce Haury, and I would hold cheerleading practice sessions at the house, Dad would join in. He even created his own cheer:

B.O. Stinks

S-T-I-N-K-S

B.O. Stinks

And I might add….he developed some very nice motions with the words! To this day, Kristina and I laugh at this fond memory.

Sam Dean is also a nice dancer. My daughter, Mallory, is a competitive dancer. It is not an uncommon event for him to join her on the den dance floor. I will have to say that the 73 year old Baptist Rabbi has some good moves, and laughter fills the room when he breaks out in his version of a Baptist foot function!

With all that said, Sam Dean is the master of timing. He is acutely aware that there is a time and place for all things. Sam Dean has always been able to deliver a serious, thought-filled sermon that leaves one reflecting for an extended period of time.  However, he can also quickly turn on his silly side that leaves the company around him light headed and filled with laughter. 

Being a pastor can be very serious business. While there are certainly days filled with many happy events, these days are also coupled with sickness, brokenness, conflict, and worries. We will never know the full burden that Sam Dean carried worrying about his congregation, who he considered to be his best friends. But he taught each of us how to balance the seriousness of life’s burdens with an abundance of laughter. The key is knowing the timing of each.

A few years ago, life had sent me a series of challenges in which I was struggling. Late one night, Dad knew that I was working through a fairly tough situation. The phone rings. When I picked it up, I heard his gentle voice of wisdom singing….

Skinny Marinky Dinky Dink

Skinny Marinky Do.

I love you.

Skinny Marinky Dinky Dink

Skinny Marinky Do.

I love you.

Oh, I love you in the morning and I love you late at night.

I love you in the evening when the sun is shining bright…..OHHHHHHHHHH

Skinny Marinky Dinky Dink

Skinnhy Marinky Do.

I LOOOOOVVVVEEE YOU! 

We all have moments when we need a little “Skinny Marinky Dinky Dink” to see us through. Life is serious business. Dad taught me the place that humor has in making memories and the power that light hearted memories play in seeing us through difficult times. As Ecclesiastes 3 tells us, there is a time for everything. Let us not forget that there is a time to laugh! For laughter has the power to help us overcome the heavy burdens of life’s journey.

Respecting One's Personal Journey

Sam Dean loves people! Some of the happiest times I have ever seen my Dad is when he is around church members, colleagues, family, and friends. Growing up, my friends loved to come and talk to my Dad. Reid Satterfield, a high school friend of mine, still talks to this day about how he loved to talk with “Brother Dean” growing up. Dad can relate to just about anyone - from a Carson Newman College Board Member to a homeless person off the street in Clinton. Pointing out the negative aspects of someone’s personality has never been Dad’s method of operation. He sees good in everyone. And when he tells you he loves you, he honestly means it!

My Dad has always been very interested in people’s personal journeys. It is not uncommon for him to strike up a conversation with a waitress at Cracker Barrel or Shoneys (his 2 frequent flyer restaurants!). He met one sweet lady at a restaurant not too long ago. As the dinner unfolded, he learned that the waitress had graduated as valedictorian of her class in high school. She was fortunate enough to be awarded several scholarships which would have provided her a free college education. Being young, she made some not so desirable choices, which resulted in her not taking advantage of her “golden ticket.” Several years later, as a single mom, she found herself working as a waitress, trying to attend night school, and be the best mom that her lifestyle would allow her to be. Dad was overtaken by her story. He was inspired by her journey and her resilience to try to turn her life around. My father and her engaged in a heart to heart conversation where Dad helped her determine some essential steps she needed to take in order to see her plan into completion. He even told her that he would be returning to the restaurant to check on her status. He left her a lofty tip, and I can only imagine that she was the topic of many of his prayers. Another time, Mom and Dad met a pregnant waitress at an Oak Ridge restaurant. Upon hearing her story, Mom and Dad left the restaurant and returned with fairly significant amount of cash to give her for maternity clothes and baby supplies. No questions, no judgements, no expectations - just a simple respect and understanding of the personal journey.

Dad has always said that everyone has his/her own story, or personal journey. Some have had more control over their journey than others. But regardless of the story, our past and present experiences shape us into the person we are today. Life events also shape our relationship with God - some for the better, some for the worse. Our journey shapes the beliefs that we have, the words that we speak, and the actions that we take. Some of this is on the conscience level, and some is not. We, as the recipient of someone’s actions, do not always know the internal struggles in which someone is facing. Dad has always recognized that  people’s words, actions, and beliefs are usually symbolic of something bigger. He has always respected that there are stages to people’s emotional state. Some people are on a mountaintop, some are grieving, some are indifferent, and some are flat out angry at God. Instead of using this as a reason to avoid them,  judge them, or even preach at them, my father has always respected their current placement in the journey of life. I have witnessed Dad, time and time again, embrace people where they are without judgement or criticism and offer them the grace of God.

We could all learn a great deal from Sam Dean. He has repeatedly said that life’s journey is hard and often not fair. He has never painted a picture that just because one is a Christian, life will be any easier. Life will throw each of us unexpected curve balls that ultimately shape the person we become. Our journey is ultimately between ourselves and the Heavenly Father. However, certain individuals can support us and assist us in taking smoother roads on this journey of life. Respecting the journey allows us to better understand the people around us. Not placing judgement allows us to support people struggling.  After all, everyone has a story to tell, everyone wants their story to be heard, but ultimately, we all want someone to understand. It is by participating in the true understanding that we show the love of Christ.