The Equality in Unfairness

It’s one of those nights. It is one of the nights that I'm most like my father. Recent events are swirling in my mind as I try to make sense of the world around me. So, at 2:34 a.m., I lay awake trying to wrap my mind around it all. Last night, I watched a Christian mother bury her brave child. I watched teachers, police officers, friends, family, and a community mourn trying to makes sense of something that is incomprehensible. I came home and held my children a little tighter, while another mother entered a house without her child.

This week, our country endured yet another act of terrorism. Five innocent military men died at the hand of an anger filled man. Five families are left to pick up the pieces and try to wrap their heads around why this event occurred to their loved ones.

Just a few weeks ago, I watched my mother suffer in a hospital bed, begging Jesus to come and take her to heaven. As her weak body lay in the hospital bed recovering from the second surgery in a month, my father stayed beside her in the room and wept, watching the love of his life continue to endure pain and unexplained health issues. While trying to wrap his hands around the events of her news, he continues to fight his own demons of Parkinsons and PHN from one of the worst documented cases of shingles. Yet they both are examples of what it is like to live a life serving the Lord. They have lived one of the purest lives with an unwavering faith in God, but they both wake up each day to fight their own individual health issues.

We all have our own situations. We all have our own experiences that leave us pondering “Why us?” or “Why them?” In our simple human minds, we want to believe in Karma. If we do good, good things will happen to us. We find satisfaction when bad things happen to bad people. Many of us have been known to flippantly make the statement, “Karma will come back to bite them.”  But guess what? The Baptist Rabbi would beg to differ. We can be guaranteed of one thing. Bad things WILL happen to good people.

Why do bad things happen to good people? This is a common question asked to pastors. Dad raised Chris and me to firmly understand that life is not fair. Dad took the time to teach us about God’s free will. When bad things happen to good people, we often ask ourselves “Why did God do this to us?” Oftentimes, you will hear people respond something similar to, “It is all God’s plan.” Everyone has their own beliefs on this, and all readers are certainly entitled to disagree. I am certainly no theologian or biblical scholar. However, I simply can’t wrap my head around my God willing terrible things to happen to us: childhood cancer, battered women, loss of loved ones through tragic events, terrorism, chronic pain, poverty, etc. However, because of free will, the things of this world are allowed to happen to us. Some because of personal decisions we have made, and other times, because of decisions other people or society has made without our input. And oftentimes, for no explainable reason at all.

My Dad taught me that God doesn’t necessarily cause these things to happen, but He allows them to happen in a world of free will. However, He is certainly present in all situations, helping guide our reactions and supporting our temporary unbelief.  This world is not, has never been, and will never be an equal playing field. However, we can be assured of one thing. There is equality in unfairness. Unfair events affect us all. Life is not fair. We will all experience times where life is not fair and we have questions. And there are many questions that simply don’t have an explainable answer. But God has not abandoned us. He loves us and is walking beside us in this world of free will.

Free will is not always bad. God has given us great control over the choices that we make and the direction that we take our lives. But my personal prayer in the middle of this night is simple and heartfelt. When our human minds can’t wrap around the events of unexplained pain and suffering, dear God, please hold us close. Let us feel Your peace and know that there is a day where free will will turn into a place where all is equal, fair, and we hear the words, “Job well done.”  

Dads and Doors

All around our nation this weekend, sons and daughters are taking time to celebrate their fathers. This weekend will bring a range of emotions from people - maybe happiness, maybe mourning, maybe longing. For our past experiences will certainly shape the activities of this weekend. Whether good or bad, we are products of our parenting. Their guidance during the first portion of our lives consciously and subconsciously shapes our adult life. 

Parents often talk to their children about making good choices and staying on the right path. While my parents certainly wanted me to stay on the right path, they realized their role in making this happen. They were the “door opener” of our family.  Mom and Dad always made it a point for Chris and me to have an abundance of experiences. From trips to extracurricular activities, we were always busy learning the variety of things that life has to offer. Reminiscing with Chris a few weeks ago, he told me of a conversation he had with Dad immediately after he graduated from UT. Dad told him that he was to accept the first job he could find, no matter where it was, and GO. I’m sure that Mom and Dad would have preferred for us all to stay together as a family in the Clinton area, but he opened a door for Chris to go where he could provide for his family. Still to this day, Mom and Dad encourage us both to enter uncomfortable areas to grow as an individual. They have always suppressed their agenda for us and created open doors for us to create our own path.

One of the most powerful beliefs that the Baptist Rabbi holds is the theory of doors. People fall into 2 categories: door openers and door closers. The individual success of people largely depends on others opening doors for them. We all have our own stories of people who have helped us succeed and people who have interfered with that process. Over the past 3 years, my family has grown very close to our pastor, Charla. She has ministered to our family in such a special way. As we learned that she had been given a new church assignment, we were devastated. As we left her last Sunday, my Dad and I both left with tears bubbling in our eyes. Then the powerful words came from Sam Dean, “As much as we love Charla, you are now charged to determine what kind of person you will be. Will you be a door opener or a door closer? Charla has been given new door. Will you help her open that door to continue her ministry? The new pastor coming in has just begun her ministry career. You have the ability to open the door for her, which could open further doors for her down the road. Or you have the ability to shut the door, impacting her ministry for the future. Which person do you want to be? Everyone needs someone to be the door opener. That is what God has called us to do.” 

Individuals are powerful human beings. We have much more control over people’s destiny than we realize. Even the smallest of actions can open large doors for individuals. This Father’s Day, I am thankful that my parents taught me the power of doors. I am thankful that they have always been a step ahead of me opening doors for me to grow as an individual. I am thankful that in times of me being selfish, they remind me that life is not all about me. God calls each of us to step away from our self-absorbtion and purposefully create open doors for others. God is on the other side of that door waiting to do great things for others if we will only accept the call to open the door for them.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for teaching me (and continually reminding me) to be a door opener for others. Happy Father’s Day!

A-1 Sauce and Alto

Isn’t it funny the small stories that you remember growing up? Sometimes Mom and Dad will tell stories of trips, visits, and events that I have no recollection; yet I remember random, small events that seem meaningless. Or are they? Some of the lessons I have learned come from those very events.

Growing up, we were very special friends with the Rumph family. Betty Rumph lost her husband at a very young age and raised 2 fabulous children, Jay and Julie, as a single mom. After church on Sunday, we would find ourselves with the Rumphs at a steakhouse in Oak Ridge. It was one of the highlights of my week. Every week, Jay would order the same meal - always accompanied with french fries. For those of you who know my Dad, he LOVES french fries. It was a weekly event for Dad to reach over and grab some of Jay’s french fries. It was not long before Dad was identified as “The French Fry Monster.” Typical children will reach for the ketchup to smother the fries, but not Jay. He liked to spice them up in a different way. When the french fries arrived, he would immediately ask for the A-1 Sauce. Looking back, I wonder if that was his way of trying to save his french fries from the “The French Fry Monster.” If so, I don’t recall it working. Dad found that combination fascinating! Dad was always impressed that he chose to eat his fries in a different way. Jay thought outside the box and spiced up an otherwise simple food. Somehow, the A-1/ French Fry Monster combination created a special bond between a Rabbi and a boy. As time moved forward, Jay and Dad became hiking buddies, and he still remains special to my Dad today.

For those of you who know us well, you know that Kristina Pearce Haury holds a very special place in the heart of my family. We were inseparable growing up.  Krista and I were dedicated members of the FBC youth choir and Clinton High School chorus. We loved to sing….and at the time, we thought we sounded fabulous! Krista always accompanied us on our annual Spring Break trip to the beach. On the 7 hour ride to the beach, we thought we would bless Mom and Dad with the gift of voice. We thought we would spare them the torture of listening to rock music on the radio. So, being the thoughtful teenagers we were, we decided to give them a free concert of our musical repertoire….all in ALTO. No melody, only the flatline, tedious, monotone of alto. While we thought we sounded angelical, I’m sure that we did not even do justice to alto. To this day, Dad remembers these trips as being torture.  Being the fabulous father that he is, he never said a word. He let us sing. He now describes that event as one of the most painful experiences of his travels!

Sam Dean has always been a proponent of enjoying the spice of life. For those of you who know him well, you can see why he loved the A-1 sauce, but found alto in isolation to be unbearable. Alto is an important piece to the overall musical production. However, by itself, it is horrific. It does not provide the same  enjoyment as when all the the musical parts are sung together. It takes the alto, soprano, tenor, and bass working together, each mastering their own craft, to make a beautiful musical performance. The same is true for life. We all have our own voices, talents, and interests. However, if we were all the same, what a boring place it would be! It is in our variety that we bring beautiful harmony to the world. Our individual differences are the A-1 sauce that provide flavor to churches, workplaces, and communities. The Baptist Rabbi has never demanded that people embrace his interests or beliefs. He has always encouraged each person to embrace the individual that God calls them to be. He has never been threatened that it will be different than him. For it is important that we all sing our own part, but be willing to do it along with others to create a beautiful harmony of community. Thank God for A-1 sauce and for the ability to move beyond alto and enjoy the magnificent harmony created when we come together as a community of faith, each singing our own part and embracing the differences in notes that are sung.

Balcony People

Growing up, I was always fascinated with balconies. At six years old, I remember being so excited about Dad becoming pastor of First Baptist Church mainly because I saw the balcony. There was something special about being able to sit in the balcony and look down at the pulpit. As a kid, I was always intrigued that the balcony appeared to be suspended in the air, with no support beams. The youth always found themselves magnetized to the back row of the balcony each Sunday. I would like to say that we actively listened and participated in the service, but that was not always the case. And yes, occasionally, I would get an evil eye from my sweet father from the pulpit! I have heard lots and lots of Dad’s sermons, and there are a few that I still vividly recall as if he preached them yesterday. One was the sermon called “The Balcony People.” I guess the title intrigued me since I considered myself to be a “Balcony Kinda Girl”. But my Dad had a very different definition of balcony than me.  In this particular sermon, Dad talked about how God places special people in your life to support you, away from the limelight, in the distance, or from the balcony. These people may not always be directly present in your daily life, but they are always sitting in the balcony, looking out for you and your best interest. Most people have balcony people in their lives. We may not talk to these people on a regular basis, but somewhere in our journey they have helped pave the way for our individual successes. We are all products of our support or lack thereof.

Meet Jack and Sarah. During my Dad’s college years, he became pastor of a small Baptist country church named Mountain View. Jack and Sarah, a young couple in their early thirties, regularly attended his service. Jack and Sarah had no children of their own. Sarah had grown up in a Methodist Children’s Group Home. As most people do, they grew very fond of the young Baptist Rabbi. Sarah was actually one of the first people Dad baptized. They often invited him over for lunch and fed him hot meals after church. As Dad made his way to seminary on limited funds, they sent him money each semester to help make ends meet. They never expected anything in return, other than for Dad to follow God’s will. Throughout Dad’s ministry, Jack and Sarah remained an important part of his life. In fact, a few years ago a tornado came through Greene County, reeking havoc on the area where the now elderly couple lives. Dad did not hesitate to get in his car and drive to their house to check on them to make sure they did not need assistance. Jack and Sarah were not by Dad’s physical side throughout his entire ministry, but they were always present in the balcony, looking out for his best interest and cheering him on. They continue to be such dedicated balcony people. Dad is keenly aware that he may have never finished seminary if it were not for their support from the balcony.

Over the years, Dad has always given credit to his balcony members, for there are an abundance. He has been known to tear up when talking about the special people in Greenville, Johnson City, Jonesboro, Clinton, Etowah, Knoxville, and North Carolina that have supported him in his ministry. The Baptist Rabbi’s balcony is full. Although Dad has been retired for several years, he has continued to serve as a balcony member to other people in a variety of communities. When able, he has continued to do weddings, funerals, visit the sick, etc. Unfortunately, Parkinson’s became a member of our family several years ago. Although his disease has appeared to stabilize at this time, he feels that it is time to put an official end to the public side of his 50+ years in the ministry. But Dad remembers the significance of his balcony. So, for those of you who graciously read my blog, we hope that you will be able to join us on Sunday, May 17, 2015 at First Baptist Church in Clinton, when the Baptist Rabbi will express gratitude for all of his balcony members who have supported his life of ministry. It will certainly be a special day honoring all the people who have shown the Dean family love and support over the years. 

As for me, I am thankful that I have been shaped by the many sermons of my Dad. I am thankful that Sam and Marie Dean sit in my balcony. I’m sure that they both sit in many people’s balcony that have had the fortune of being a recipient of their ministry/friendship. The Baptist Rabbi taught me the importance of expressing gratitude to the members of my balcony. However, he also taught me that it is equally as important to be a “balcony sitter.” For the balcony is an intriguing place to be. Sitting back, taking in the aerial view, can provide a completely different perspective. Supporting and loving people from the balcony offers great gratification. Balcony love suspends, without support beams, for many years. Thanks be to God for providing our personal balconies.

**Side note: Although Dad’s public ministry may be coming to an end, there are still many stories to tell. Lots more blogging to come! 

The Truth Shall Set You Free, But Sometimes Requires Some Creativity!

Growing up in the Dean household, there were very few non-negotiables. Mom and Dad were fabulous about walking us through situations, but there were very few hard core limits that were set upon Chris and me - with the exception of one thing. All good parents teach their children that “honesty is the best policy.” But this idea has been placed on steroids under the Baptist Rabbi’s roof. Dad could put Abraham Lincoln to shame. Honesty is extremely important to my Dad. To this day, I’m not sure if this virtue was a product of his raising from a Missionary Baptist minister or if it developed within himself along his journey of ministry. But Sam Dean does not tell a lie. And he does not tolerate people who do. There are very few things that will send Dad to a state of anger, but someone who is not honest will certainly takes him to an unhappy place.

I can attest that if you have ever paid Dad for a funeral or wedding, taxes have been reported and paid. I can assure you that if you have told Dad something in confidence through a counseling session or through a simple conversation, it remains sealed in a vault. There have been times that I learned NOT to ask him if my hair looked good, if he liked my outfit, or if he thought I looked like I had gained weight. I knew I would get an honest answer! A few weeks ago, he had to pay a man to fix his heating unit at his house in Jonesboro. He did not feel that the man charged him enough to repair, so he made sure to pay him an additional amount. He could not bear to think he had cheated someone in anyway. As we have explored outside agencies to come in and help them with lawn care and housework, it is a non-negotiable that they work for an agency that pays taxes on what he gives them. My Dad would tell you that honesty is the key to a clear mind. 

On the surface, we would all pretty much agree with his thinking. After all, who would disagree that “Thou shalt not tell a lie.” Seems simple, until certain situations arise. Being a minister often means that you are well-fed. There are Sunday School parties, Christmas parties, Wednesday night meals, small group gatherings, etc. that ensure that food and socialization are always available. Earlier in his ministry, a sweet lady decided to bless him with a beautiful homemade pie including a plethora of fluffy meringue. For those of you who know Mom and Dad, they LOVE a chance to enjoy homemade desert! Dad thanked her for her kind gesture and eagerly anticipated taking the pie home to enjoy. Mom and Dad cut the delicious looking pie and placed a large piece on their plate. As they both placed the first bite in their mouth, they immediately discovered something was wrong!!! Something terrible was wrong!! It tasted horrible! They couldn’t continue….not even with the first bite! How could something so beautiful taste so horrible? They came to the conclusion that the sweet, elderly lady must have left a key ingredient out of the pie. It did not affect the visual presentation of the gift, but certainly affected the taste. At church the next Sunday, the lady approached Dad and asked the dreaded question, “How did you like the pie?” Dad hesitated as his core values were being tested. What was one to say? After all, he was very thankful for her kind gift, and he would never in a million years want to hurt her heart. However, he cannot tell a lie! Thank goodness, the Baptist Rabbi can think quickly on his feet. He responded as any honest, God-loving man would do. “Thank you for the pie! It certainly did not last long around our house!” 

While Dad still laughs about this story, he does not laugh at the seriousness of honesty. He has often recognized that being honest comes with consequences. Sometimes being honest means that others will disagree or become upset. As Dad served on several committees and boards, he was never ashamed to speak his mind in an honest manner. While some may not always agree with what is said, people have come to trust that “what you see is what you get” with my Dad.  He firmly believes that the truth shall set you free. There is no doubt that my Dad can lay his head down at night with a clear conscience that he is a man of his word. There is a great deal to be learned from the actions and values of the Baptist Rabbi. Telling the truth is not always easy, but it is the right thing to do. Sam Dean has taught me that honesty is the best policy, but sometimes it does take a little creativity! 

Sidenote #1: For those of you who have baked Mom and Dad items, don't worry! It was not you! This happened a very long time ago in one of his previous churches. Ha!

Disabling Reverse

Dad was the one charged with the dreaded parental responsibility of teaching me how to drive. Combining this task with his lack of patience did not create an ideal combination! He spent lots of time teaching me the aspects of defensive driving. I can still hear him saying, “You always want to anticipate a mistake that a nearby driver might make and compensate for it. Always be on the look-out for ill-equipped drivers.” I learned that skill quite well, but reverse always gave me trouble. When getting my driver’s license, the assessor asked me to back into a parking space, of which I did a pathetic job. I somehow managed to perfectly straddle the white lines instead of landing my car in between them! I think he had a soft heart because it was my 16th birthday, so he gave me my driver’s license anyway as a gift of pity. Dad always joked that he gave me one month before I had my first wreck. And I did not disappoint. A few weeks after turning 16, he was called away from the pulpit on a Wednesday night right before church. He was informed that I had backed into another car in the McDonald’s parking lot. Yes, reverse had gotten me into some trouble. 

Throughout the years, Mom and Dad have always made it a priority to spend time with my kids. Mallory and Drew have grown to depend on both of them for support. Some of their favorite times is listening to their “Popman” tell stories and giving them words of wisdom. Mallory will graduate high school this year. With the entire world in front of her, she has many life decisions at her fingertips. We all remember the pressure that this entails. As she often does, she called up Popman to take her to dinner for a free counseling session. As the dinner unfolded, Mallory discussed with Dad all her options of college choices, extra-curricular opportunities, future desires, and fears. As always, the Baptist Rabbi had words for her to cling to in the upcoming days. He encouraged her to listen to her desires and what God was speaking to her. He explicitly told her that when she made a decision, she needed to move full steam forward with all her heart and soul. He told her that there would be times that she would be tempted to play the “what if” game and wonder what her journey would be like if she would have chosen another path. He emphatically told her to never look back once she made her decision. He told her that life is full of experiences and missed opportunities. Sometimes we will make the right choices and sometimes we will regret the decisions that we made. But all experiences are worthwhile if we learn from it - even the bad ones. However, if we focus on what could have been or what we would have done differently, it can consume our lives and keep us from profiting from the present. He encouraged her to spend great time in thought and prayer making the best decision she can make with the information she has at this time. Then don’t look back. Don’t give the past any power.

I would like to say that my skill of driving in reverse has gotten better over the years, but it simply hasn’t. My family still makes fun of me trying to back out of the driveway trying to avoid our brick wall. But maybe there is a reason. Maybe it is because it is deep seated in me that there is not power in going backwards.  What we have passed and encountered is behind us. There is much more peace and comfort in looking ahead and driving forward. But in driving forward, we must remember our defensive driving skills. For there are crazy drivers out there. We must think ahead, anticipate potential catastrophes, and adjust our moves based on other’s decisions. We must make the best decision with the information presented around us. Unfortunately, we will still sometimes crash. But the good news is cars spend much more time in the forward gear than in reverse. There is positive power in limiting the amount of time we spend in reverse.

Strategies for Walking on Ice

It has been an interesting 2 weeks in East TN for sure! I can’t remember a time when we have canceled school for 2 weeks straight due to continuous snow and ice invasions. We all have fond memories of snow events from our childhood. I recall our house being grand central station with snow cream in the kitchen, the dryer in constant motion drying wet clothes, sleds all over the driveway, and the most fabulous event of all…..night sledding down the infamous Armstrong Hill! Snow always brought a new level of excitement in the Dean household, and no one loved it more than the Baptist Rabbi.

Over the past 2 weeks, we have witnessed organizations shut down due to the treacherous weather. That never happened at our house. We were never afforded the opportunity to call in to our part time jobs due to the weather. Dad would make sure that we got there, and he would offer to pick up anyone who may be hoping to use the snow as an excuse to opt out of work! I rarely recall church ever being canceled due to the weather. Dad would hop in the car and open it up for anyone who wanted to worship. Dad could never sit idle in the snow. He could always find a reason to go tackle the ailments. It was a challenge he just couldn’t turn down. And he was known a time or two to take Chris out on the roads for a few rounds of doughnuts!

Of course, Dad being the fabulous Dad he was, could even use a snow event to teach lessons. One day, he decided he was going to teach us the proper way to walk on ice. Yes, ice. He put on wool socks to demonstrate to us that how the socks would stick to the ice, creating a safe environment for travel. He confidently put on the socks, carefully explaining the science behind this safety trick. With his head held high, he exited the back door and stepped onto the concrete patio. He took his first step of demonstration. Then it happened……he took a leap of faith that ended up as a tumble of terror. His feet immediately slipped out from under him and his head crashed flat onto the concrete of ice!!! As I hear of all the injuries that have happened on the ice in the past few weeks, it is a shear miracle that he survived. Still to this day, we are pretty sure he ended up with a concussion. But for those of you who know my Dad, he is very hard headed. There would be no trips to the doctor. 

This past week, Dad once again ventured out in the inclement weather to get Cameron, his grandson, a birthday card. He knew the roads were icy. As he exited the car, he strategically planned his steps to safely enter Food City. He successfully traveled over the ice to the front doors. He discussed his strategy for safely making the trip. He planned his steps carefully to try to hit areas of the concrete that had melted or had turned into slush. For those of you who are wondering, he did not have on his wool socks! He is definitely one to learn from experience, so he had on his hiking boots! He got the needed supplies and returned to the car. As he lifted one leg to get in the car, his other foot slipped. Down he went. Only this time, he could not get up alone. The ice was much too slippery. A good samaritan saw him fall and quickly came to his rescue. No injuries, other than his pride. Would this be enough to keep him from braving the snow and ice? I think you already know the answer.

Snow and ice present challenges. It demands a certain respect. We can create certain strategies and plans to help us tackle the icy conditions, but they are not fool proof. At times we are bound to fall. At times, our pride is bound to take a tumble. But the ice has never kept my Dad from attempting to live while it is present. One fall did not keep him down. And I am willing to bet that the most recent fall will not alter his viewpoints. At times, life gets icy. Traveling the road can be tricky and requires us to implement a completely different skill set to effectively maneuver through it. Sometimes, we think one strategy will be effective, and we simply fall on our hard heads. Other times, we are as careful as we can be, and we still fall on our hiney! At some point, our pride will simply hit rock bottom. Sam Dean has taught me that a few falls should never stop us from living. A few hits on our pride should not stop us from standing back up and walking with our head held high. Life’s ice is dangerous. But when we take a fall, there is opportunity to learn new approaches to effectively tackle the next storm.