What are places? Here is what the Baptist Rabbi had to say in one of his written sermons:
"Places are so important to our becoming. Each place is different, setting limitations on our existence and calling forth responses to our unique stimuli. Places are little slices of the universe upon which we forge our development as human beings. A place may not be a utopian setting, but it is the providential rendering of grace to each of us. We cherish our places because they are inextricably woven into the fabric of our identity and awareness of life."
Places. There have been lots of places that I have called home over the years. A house in Jonesboro, two houses in Clinton, three houses in Knoxville all have been called "my home" over the past 48 years. But are they really homes or just places that form my personal concept of home?
We have all experienced those instances where a song plays on the radio or we walk into a space and it takes us back to a particular place in our life. Emotions momentarily return of happiness, loneliness, fear, sadness, or joy. Places can have great control over our lives as they are tied to emotions, experiences, and memories. But that is not home.
A place on 422 Mariner Point Drive has been significant in my life for approximately 25 years. It was a place where laughter erupted, wisdom was shared, holidays were celebrated, grandchildren were raised, and yes...tears were shed with intense pain. Over the past few months, we have cleaned out the prized possessions of a Christ-filled, faithful marriage and nuclear family of 4. As I walk in the house each time, I am bombarded with a flood of emotions, memories, and experiences that have been previous frames in my personal film reel. I hear Dad yelling, "Hello, Kel!" as he would do when he heard me come in the house. I see him sitting in his chair enjoying the backyard view. I visualize us sitting together talking about my day and happenings in the world. I hear Mom yelling, "Kelly, come here," as she often said when she heard the door open. I look outside and see the gazebo that Dad and I built when I was pregnant. I see the dock that he built with his friends which provided the space for us to have many life changing conversations. I notice the walls that we painted together and the shrubs that we trimmed as a team on many occasions. I see the ducks in the backyard and find myself yelling to Mom and Dad as I would do before we opened the back windows to feed them. In every room, there is a piece of my previous life film. The memories are abundant and overwhelming.
As my eyes fill with tears each time I walk through the door, I hear the words of my Dad reminding me that it is dangerous to stay stagnant. It is unhealthy to live life in reverse. We must continue to push forward, creating new frames, building a healthy journey of life.....even though grief and pain at times accompany.
Places are not our homes. They are simply a temporary structure which occupy our experiences and memories. Places come and go. However, my home is constant. Home for me is in my heart. In my soul. In my very existence. With my family. With my closest friends. With my faith. For me, home is a constant, not constrained within 4 walls.
My brother and I had a choice to make with regards to the temporary place that we call our parents' home. Do we painfully move forward as Dad instructed, or do we put our film reel on pause or reverse? No one said the circle of life was easy. Life without them is brutal. Our decision to sell their "place" has not been made without much consideration. However, my prayer is that this "place" will be a structure for a new wonderful family who can continue to build their own life film. It is a beautiful place. Not only because of the view, but because of the love that was shared for many years there.
I will forever hold these memories as part of my home as I take the Baptist Rabbi's instructions to keep my life frames moving forward. May God bless this process and the future family who occupies this place that means so much to Chris and me.
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