The Curse of Control

The hustle and bustle of life is crazy! It is been a long time since I have had time to blog, but that doesn't mean that I don't learn daily lessons from the Baptist Rabbi!!

Before Dad lost his ability to drive and leave Mom alone, we used to attend a monthly Parkinson's support group meeting in Knoxville on Thursday nights. One night, we were listening to a speaker who was talking about his journey with Parkinson's and how he realized he was no longer in control. At the end of the session, he gave us a rock to carry. He encouraged us to paint a symbol on the rock of what gave us most comfort during times of trouble. Dad and I both drew on our rock. Since then, that rock has been in my purse, staying with me each day.

For those who know me well, to say I am a control freak is an understatement. I am a fixer. I am a peace maker. I want to have answers to make situations better. Wouldn't it be nice if life worked that way?

Life throws us curve balls. Sometimes I handle it with grace, and sometimesI handle it with my "fix it" attitude. The other day, I processed a situation with Dad in the sunroom at the kitchen table. I looked at him and earnestly said, "How would you advise me to handle?" His words of wisdom slapped me in the face. He said, "Kelly, you are trying to control a situation that is beyond your control. You are trying to fix something that is not fixable. At times, you have to accept reality and let the plan play out."

Don't we often yearn for more power and control than we actually have? Don't we often act as if we know more than our Heavenly Father? Do we live under the curse of control?

As the Baptist Rabbi reminded me:

• As you get older, you have more questions than answers.
• People who want to control the beliefs of others will find out that they knew a lot less than they thought when we meet God face to face. In the end, we will all have a lot of things wrong!
• Oftentimes, our role is not to fix, but to support.
• God does not will bad things to happen to people, but gives us the power to find support in Him during times of turmoil.
• Sometimes patience and grace is more important than fixing and trying to control.

So, what did I draw on my rock? I drew the cross. After all, Jesus did not want what was happening to him! He was not in control of what was happening. But he trusted God and allowed the plan to unfold. 

My hope and trust is in Him. When I feel the need to be in control.....to fix......may the rock in my purse remind me that life doesn't work that way. My call is to follow His will and implement grace and love more than control.