When Joy and Grief Collide

Mildred. A simple, sweet soul. A sister my father loves dearly.

I received a phone call from my Dad's brother, Don, on Thursday night. The news was not good. My Aunt Mildred was being put on hospice care at 89 years of age. I went to the house the following morning to share this news with Mom and Dad. No words were spoken. It is sometimes difficult to know if Dad's Parkinson's does not allow him to process quickly or if he was just choosing to process internally and silently. Whatever the case, we gave him the space he needed.

This morning when I arrived to do the usual Saturday caregiving activities, Dad said, "Are you up for driving me to Johnson City to see Mildred?" Within an hour, we were in the car driving for what would be the Baptist Rabbi's last time seeing his sister. Knowing it would be an emotional day, I was not fully prepared for the experience of joy and grief colliding in a single moment.

We were met at the door by her son, Fred. When we walked in the room, she was somewhat alert but unable to speak. She kept her eyes on Dad for the entire visit. She would briefly look at Fred and me, but then immediately return to my Dad. He sat by her side, his hands shaking from Parkinson's but yet still holding on dearly to hers. A few minutes later, Uncle Don came in the room, and her eyes lit up once again when she saw him.

As we saw her pain increasing and her stamina decreasing, Fred and I left the room to give Don and Dad a moment with her. The three remaining siblings of the Dean family, together for a brief moment.....wishing the circumstances were different...longing to go back in time....knowing that the inevitable is coming. Uncle Don and Dad walked out tearful. Uncle Don held onto my father as they walked down the hospital hallway together, knowing in a few days it would just be the two of them.

God gave all three siblings a gift today. The gift to be together one last time. The gift to reminisce and say goodbye. As they all three held hands, Uncle Don said a beautiful prayer. Dad asked Mildred for one favor. He said, "I want you to do one thing for me. When you get to heaven, tell Mom and Dad that they have their two boys coming right behind you."

Life is full of joyful moments and painful moments. Many times, it is either one or the other. However, today, I experienced a rare moment when the two meet each other face to face and collide. We grieve the personal connection.......the memories.....the human flesh. However, what a beautiful experience to be able to hold the hand of a loved one, communicate the impact that they have had in your life, tell them that you love them, and be assured that you will be with them again one day. This collision of emotions is overwhelming to say the least.

I am so blessed to belong to a family of strong believers. In a few days, heaven will gain a wonderful angel. Until then, may God hold Aunt Mildred, our Baptist Rabbi, Uncle Don, and Fred in the palm of His hands.

P.S. Thank you, Joann Hamerling, for helping with Mom while we went today. You are dear to us!