Walking Into the Unknown

It's New Year's Eve. A Today Show poll said that approximately 85% of people will actually bring in the new year in PJs asleep. I will more than likely be among that group. The news media is so predictable this time of year - recap of last year, New Year's Eve/Day food dishes, exercises to lose weight, and resolution ideas. At this point in the year, I am celebrated out. I am ready to return to my normal schedule and settle into some form of routine.

However, the transition to the new year does cause me to pause and reflect. This past year has brought ups and downs for all of us - some of which we could control and some of it that was beyond our intervention. There are things in which I am proud and things I wish I could hit the rewind button and try again. As much as I would like to set some profound resolution, my reflection will more than likely be similar next year. After all, we are human and fortunate to be blessed by God's grace and mercy.

Tomorrow morning, we walk into the unknown. A new year. A new set of life experiences that will shape our individuality and life journey. All of us will experience events that both lift us up and tear us down. It is what we do with these experiences that will define the impact we have on this thing called life.

As you know, the Baptist Rabbi and his wife have had their fair share of struggles over the past years. The one word phrase that defines my sweet Daddy the best would be "genuine and kind." Two simple, yet profound words. Not easy to achieve - especially when life is unpredictable, unfair, and controversial.

A new chapter begins for all of us in a few hours. God's mercy and grace will follow us into the unknown. While new beginnings can be both exciting and scary, I find great peace that I am not alone regardless of the free will that will unfold this year. Imagine the impact we could have if we all embrace the phrase "genuine and kind" as we maneuver 2019. Regardless of what this new year holds for us, may we always remember the love and grace of Jesus and show that same kind of love to others around us.

2019 - GENUINE and KIND

Breaking the Bottle of Intolerance

I can usually ascertain the condition of Mom and Dad within the first few seconds of walking in their door. On Saturday, I walked in and Dad immediately said, "Kelly, come in here." I heard the desperateness in his voice. Dad informed me of the Pittsburg Synagogue shooting. The rest of the morning was filled with relative silence from the Baptist Rabbi. Tears whelped up in his eyes as he listened to the reports of innocent people killed while worshipping.

Being homebound, Dad has a great amount of time to reflect on the happenings in our world. We have had many conversations about how intolerant our world has become. Our digital society has given everyone a voice and a platform to push personal agendas and destroy other viewpoints. This has greatly disturbed him.

There is not a man more solidified in his beliefs than Dad. However, he has always welcomed people to hold a different viewpoint than him. He has welcomed his family and friends to challenge beliefs and embrace the freedom to own personal thoughts. Dad has had close friends that were Democrats, Republicans, Baptists, Methodists, Catholics, Jews, Agnostic, and downright confused about their foundational beliefs. He has always had the ability to put differences aside and celebrate the uniqueness of individuals.

We live in a world of great diversity filled with egocentrism. We all think we are "right" and feel that living in a free country gives us the right to slice another person to the core if they are not in line with our beliefs. My, oh my! Don't we think highly of ourselves! Let's face it...when all is said and done, I feel strongly that we will have most things wrong. We live in a very complex world and we are well-known for trying to fit social and religious issues into a small black and white bottle with little room for flexibility. What is the result? Insults on social media, attacks in newspapers, commercials degrading another human being, suicides, murders, mass shootings, terrorist activity... nothing good comes from this. Where is the respect for human frailty and dignity? What are we doing to ourselves?

The Baptist Rabbi always taught me to think for myself, hold firm in my beliefs, but respect the beliefs of others. Jesus instructs all of us to love. He didn't just love the easy.......he loved ALL. In this time of great turmoil, may we all remember that we are not invincible. We live in a world where we could easily self-destruct. Isn't it our responsibility as adults to model ethical and humane interactions to our young ones. What are we teaching them? How do we look in the eyes of our children and tell them that they are not safe worshipping because our world has become so intolerant?


Tolerance does not make your foundation shaky.
Loving does not make you weak.
Small acts of kindness can be powerful life changers for both the giver and the recipient.
We are all humans - and are filled with imperfections. Yours are not greater than mine, just different. Goodness knows... I have many faults!
If we worked on our own compassion as much as we focused on the inadequacies of others, think of the difference we could make. After all, I only have to answer for myself, not the actions of others.


When is this senseless violence going to stop? Never..... until we all decide that tolerance is a sign of strength and we don't have to be threatened just because our neighbor doesn't fit into our black and white bottle of rigid thinking. Sometimes, there are many shades of gray. My prayer today is that we can all feel secure enough in ourselves to not participate in this intolerant behavior that is so prevalent in our nation today. It's time to break the bottle of intolerance and embrace that there is room for all of us.

May our thoughts and prayers be with ALL the families who have been impacted through violent acts of intolerance.

Slamming on the Brakes

Everyone knows that the backyard means the world to the Baptist Rabbi. That is his happy place. Mom and he can look out there day by day and never get bored observing the flowing water, budding roses, birds, squirrels, rabbits, chipmunks....and the occasional skunk! While it is beautiful, it also requires quite a bit of effort keeping up to par!

For those of you who know me well, I am usually on overdrive - task oriented, quick paced, moving quickly from one activity to the next, allowing my OCD, Type A personality to rule the roost. Scott, my husband, will tell you that once I start something, it is almost impossible for me to stop. Sometimes it is a gift, but it can also be a curse.

As I drove to Clinton this morning, I knew that pulling the weeds from the rose beds was my top priority. I also knew I would have to beat the rain in order to successfully complete this task. While fervently pulling crazy high weeds at an all time quick pace, I noticed 3 ducks watching my every move. A group of ducks have taken residence between Mom and Dad's house and our neighbors. They are fed well to say the least. You could tell they were desperately wanting to take the journey to the house to enjoy some scrumptious food; however, they were skeptical of me.

I love the ducks. But at that very moment, I really wanted to continue my journey on completing all rose beds before Hurricane Florence made its way to us. Something overcame me in which I can't really describe. A yearning to just sit in the grass, enjoy the wind, and sit in stillness to assure the ducks that they were safe. Reluctantly, they found a path in which they were comfortable to reach the food. Before long, the 3 ducks were accompanied by 11 more! A group of 14 ducks had pushed through their insecurities and passed me because I had chosen to slam on my brakes.

What happened in the end? I fed them an abundance of food, which resulted in a good 10-15 minutes of pure pleasure for Mom, Dad, and myself. The rain came. The worked stopped. I wasn't able to accomplish my ultimate goal of cleaning out all the beds in the back. Several beds remain with high, uncontrollable weeds growing around the roses. However, by me making the decision to slow down, push my goals aside, and soak in what God had to offer blessed me more abundantly than completing my personal goal.

You want to know the really cool thing? The roses still bloom. As I was watching the ducks enjoy their feast, I looked out to one of the flower beds and saw this.

 My slamming on the brakes didn't have as much effect on the flowers as I originally thought. It was almost as if this particular bloom was telling me, "Slow down and enjoy the simple pleasures. That is where the greatest joy is found."

Life is crazy. We quickly move from one activity to another, trying to accomplish goals that we think will enhance our lives and the lives of others. In reality, if we would periodically slam on the brakes and take time to enjoy relationships, enjoy the simple things in life, enjoy what nature has to offer...enjoy "watching the ducks," we would all be better off. Today made me wonder what all I have missed being so narrowly focused on checking off what I deemed to be important each day, keeping my actions  on "full speed ahead," refusing to slow down and sit silent.

God speaks to us in these moments when we choose to sit still and breathe. When we can slow down and allow Him to step in for a brief moment, we will be blessed. As we enter this week, may we all find time to slam on our personal brakes to enjoy all the beauty that life has to offer.


**As I write this blog, may our prayers go out to our family in Lumberton, NC and surrounding cities. They have witnessed a much different Hurricane Florence than us in TN. My cousin's house off I95 has been flooded for the 2nd time in 5 years. Downtown Lumberton is currently under water and most of our extended family is without power.

Daddies and Daughters

There are certain things in life in which we have no control. We don’t get to choose our parents. We don’t have much input on the surroundings in which we grow up. We can’t control the actions of our parents, nor their parenting style. However, all of the above have a huge influence on the trajectory of a child’s life.

The Father’s role is such an essential component in a girl’s life. There is just something special between a father and a daughter. I remember growing up, craving the attention of the Baptist Rabbi, watching his thinking and actions, working hard to meet his expectations, and looking toward him for acceptance and guidance. I didn’t get to choose the fact that he met every expectation of a father. I was just blessed that I was afforded the opportunity to be influenced by a positive, close relationship with such a quality man. Our relationship has truly been a key factor in the person that I am today.

Over the past 21 years, I have been a witness to a similar experience. I have watched my husband, Scott, reciprocate the same relationship with our daughter, Mallory. There is just something special between them. Growing up, I witnessed her watching his actions as he set expectations and parameters, helping her define self-concept and values. Her eyes still light up when she sees him. She still runs to him when she enters the door. I find such joy and peace that she was afforded a similar father/daughter experience that I was given. It will serve her well through life. A healthy circle of life is strongly dependent on the father/daughter relationship.

In December, I will watch Scott walk Mallory down the aisle as she marries her high school sweetheart, Andrew. She has always said she wanted to marry someone just like her father. She has grown up watching Popman Sam, Pappy Ken, and Daddy Scott be role models for how a girl should be treated and the components to a healthy marriage. It has been such a blessing for her to have these positive male role models to help her grow up in a healthy environment. 

Fathers have an awesome responsibility which should not be taken lightly. Fathers have great influence over their children, which often requires sacrifice and dedication. Daughters look to their fathers to determine their own capabilities and expectations on how they should be viewed and treated. On this Father’s Day, may we celebrate the fathers who have taken this role seriously, realized the lasting impact that they have over their children, and have modeled ethical, positive interactions with their children and others. 

Happy, Father’s Day!!! God bless!

When Joy and Grief Collide

Mildred. A simple, sweet soul. A sister my father loves dearly.

I received a phone call from my Dad's brother, Don, on Thursday night. The news was not good. My Aunt Mildred was being put on hospice care at 89 years of age. I went to the house the following morning to share this news with Mom and Dad. No words were spoken. It is sometimes difficult to know if Dad's Parkinson's does not allow him to process quickly or if he was just choosing to process internally and silently. Whatever the case, we gave him the space he needed.

This morning when I arrived to do the usual Saturday caregiving activities, Dad said, "Are you up for driving me to Johnson City to see Mildred?" Within an hour, we were in the car driving for what would be the Baptist Rabbi's last time seeing his sister. Knowing it would be an emotional day, I was not fully prepared for the experience of joy and grief colliding in a single moment.

We were met at the door by her son, Fred. When we walked in the room, she was somewhat alert but unable to speak. She kept her eyes on Dad for the entire visit. She would briefly look at Fred and me, but then immediately return to my Dad. He sat by her side, his hands shaking from Parkinson's but yet still holding on dearly to hers. A few minutes later, Uncle Don came in the room, and her eyes lit up once again when she saw him.

As we saw her pain increasing and her stamina decreasing, Fred and I left the room to give Don and Dad a moment with her. The three remaining siblings of the Dean family, together for a brief moment.....wishing the circumstances were different...longing to go back in time....knowing that the inevitable is coming. Uncle Don and Dad walked out tearful. Uncle Don held onto my father as they walked down the hospital hallway together, knowing in a few days it would just be the two of them.

God gave all three siblings a gift today. The gift to be together one last time. The gift to reminisce and say goodbye. As they all three held hands, Uncle Don said a beautiful prayer. Dad asked Mildred for one favor. He said, "I want you to do one thing for me. When you get to heaven, tell Mom and Dad that they have their two boys coming right behind you."

Life is full of joyful moments and painful moments. Many times, it is either one or the other. However, today, I experienced a rare moment when the two meet each other face to face and collide. We grieve the personal connection.......the memories.....the human flesh. However, what a beautiful experience to be able to hold the hand of a loved one, communicate the impact that they have had in your life, tell them that you love them, and be assured that you will be with them again one day. This collision of emotions is overwhelming to say the least.

I am so blessed to belong to a family of strong believers. In a few days, heaven will gain a wonderful angel. Until then, may God hold Aunt Mildred, our Baptist Rabbi, Uncle Don, and Fred in the palm of His hands.

P.S. Thank you, Joann Hamerling, for helping with Mom while we went today. You are dear to us!