Letting Go

There is no better place to grow up than in Clinton, TN. We lived in a fabulous neighborhood on the corner of Redbud and Riverbend. We lived at the bottom of a hill, had a wide driveway, and a large, flat, front yard. This made for a perfect training ground for learning to ride a bike.

Dad decided it was time for me to learn how to ride my bike without training wheels. He patiently took me to the training ground, which began in the middle of Redbud hill, continued through a diagonal portion of the driveway,  and ended on soft grass in the front yard for a smooth stop. For those of you who know me well, I am NOT an adrenaline junky! I am a fairly "safe" person who likes to stay within my bounds. Dad gave me a few attempts with his support, and then he dropped the ball. He said, "This time I am letting go." I responded with statements of begging, lots of tears, and even dropped the, "If you loved me, you wouldn't let go...." statement. However, before I had time to finish my temper tantrum, Dad had taken me to the beginning of the training course, pushed me, and let go. He sat back to see the effects of his decision. He watched the screams of terror and the tears of frustration continue.......as my legs peddled hard and I rode my bike successfully for the first time! A temporary moment of me feeling my Dad had let me go too early resulted in a monumental accomplishment in my childhood. He knew when to let go.

Letting go is an important concept that my Dad taught me. Dad and Mom taught me the difference between assisting and enabling.

• You meet a variety of people throughout life. Some will enhance and others will distract, disappoint, and destroy. Just because we are Christians, God does not call us to stay in relationships that are damaging. We have the free will to shape how we allow people to treat us. We must forgive, but we don't have to enter back into the same type of relationship that we had previously. We can let go.
• We make decisions in life according to the best information we are given. Sometimes, we make the right choices, and sometimes we don't. However, when the decision is made, make the best of it. Keep moving forward. Don't focus on the past. Let it go.
• As Christians, we are called to help those who are in need (family, friends, neighbors, strangers, etc.). We are called to assist finding long lasting resources that will sustain. However, don't get sucked in to the point that your efforts to assist have only enabled. When your efforts have moved to the enabling realm, let go. 
• Raise your children to be independent and strong. Teach them to think for themselves and to seek their own personal dreams. Raise them to be in control of their actions and relationships. Continue to assist and advise, however, there is a time to let them go.

Dad will admit that letting go of the bike that day was not easy. It was not easy for him to hear my screams of terror and questioning of his love for me. Tough love is not easy. But that one moment of pain and uncomfortableness allowed me to learn a new life skill and increased my self confidence. His willingness to "let go" gave me a new sense of freedom and independence. He could have continued to enable me by holding on to the handle bars. While that would have given me a temporary sense of satisfaction, it would not have pushed me to the place I needed to be.

As we enter this new year, may God give us the wisdom to know the things that we need to cling to and the things that we need to let go of in order to continue on a healthy journey of life. May we all learn to discern the difference between assisting, forgiving, and letting go, and may we adhere to the appropriate time for each. Let us be willing to go through scary periods of letting go so we can fully experience God's freedom. God Bless us all in 2016.

Update of Baptist Rabbi and Wife: This blog entry finds my sweet Daddy getting stronger each day at home, learning to adjust to his feeding tube, and continuing to share his fabulous wisdom with those around him. He goes for a follow up swallow test in the next few weeks, and we hope to see some improvement. Mom has tackled her new role as caregiver with courage, strength, and determination. I am so proud of both of them!