The Truth Shall Set You Free, But Sometimes Requires Some Creativity!

Growing up in the Dean household, there were very few non-negotiables. Mom and Dad were fabulous about walking us through situations, but there were very few hard core limits that were set upon Chris and me - with the exception of one thing. All good parents teach their children that “honesty is the best policy.” But this idea has been placed on steroids under the Baptist Rabbi’s roof. Dad could put Abraham Lincoln to shame. Honesty is extremely important to my Dad. To this day, I’m not sure if this virtue was a product of his raising from a Missionary Baptist minister or if it developed within himself along his journey of ministry. But Sam Dean does not tell a lie. And he does not tolerate people who do. There are very few things that will send Dad to a state of anger, but someone who is not honest will certainly takes him to an unhappy place.

I can attest that if you have ever paid Dad for a funeral or wedding, taxes have been reported and paid. I can assure you that if you have told Dad something in confidence through a counseling session or through a simple conversation, it remains sealed in a vault. There have been times that I learned NOT to ask him if my hair looked good, if he liked my outfit, or if he thought I looked like I had gained weight. I knew I would get an honest answer! A few weeks ago, he had to pay a man to fix his heating unit at his house in Jonesboro. He did not feel that the man charged him enough to repair, so he made sure to pay him an additional amount. He could not bear to think he had cheated someone in anyway. As we have explored outside agencies to come in and help them with lawn care and housework, it is a non-negotiable that they work for an agency that pays taxes on what he gives them. My Dad would tell you that honesty is the key to a clear mind. 

On the surface, we would all pretty much agree with his thinking. After all, who would disagree that “Thou shalt not tell a lie.” Seems simple, until certain situations arise. Being a minister often means that you are well-fed. There are Sunday School parties, Christmas parties, Wednesday night meals, small group gatherings, etc. that ensure that food and socialization are always available. Earlier in his ministry, a sweet lady decided to bless him with a beautiful homemade pie including a plethora of fluffy meringue. For those of you who know Mom and Dad, they LOVE a chance to enjoy homemade desert! Dad thanked her for her kind gesture and eagerly anticipated taking the pie home to enjoy. Mom and Dad cut the delicious looking pie and placed a large piece on their plate. As they both placed the first bite in their mouth, they immediately discovered something was wrong!!! Something terrible was wrong!! It tasted horrible! They couldn’t continue….not even with the first bite! How could something so beautiful taste so horrible? They came to the conclusion that the sweet, elderly lady must have left a key ingredient out of the pie. It did not affect the visual presentation of the gift, but certainly affected the taste. At church the next Sunday, the lady approached Dad and asked the dreaded question, “How did you like the pie?” Dad hesitated as his core values were being tested. What was one to say? After all, he was very thankful for her kind gift, and he would never in a million years want to hurt her heart. However, he cannot tell a lie! Thank goodness, the Baptist Rabbi can think quickly on his feet. He responded as any honest, God-loving man would do. “Thank you for the pie! It certainly did not last long around our house!” 

While Dad still laughs about this story, he does not laugh at the seriousness of honesty. He has often recognized that being honest comes with consequences. Sometimes being honest means that others will disagree or become upset. As Dad served on several committees and boards, he was never ashamed to speak his mind in an honest manner. While some may not always agree with what is said, people have come to trust that “what you see is what you get” with my Dad.  He firmly believes that the truth shall set you free. There is no doubt that my Dad can lay his head down at night with a clear conscience that he is a man of his word. There is a great deal to be learned from the actions and values of the Baptist Rabbi. Telling the truth is not always easy, but it is the right thing to do. Sam Dean has taught me that honesty is the best policy, but sometimes it does take a little creativity! 

Sidenote #1: For those of you who have baked Mom and Dad items, don't worry! It was not you! This happened a very long time ago in one of his previous churches. Ha!

Disabling Reverse

Dad was the one charged with the dreaded parental responsibility of teaching me how to drive. Combining this task with his lack of patience did not create an ideal combination! He spent lots of time teaching me the aspects of defensive driving. I can still hear him saying, “You always want to anticipate a mistake that a nearby driver might make and compensate for it. Always be on the look-out for ill-equipped drivers.” I learned that skill quite well, but reverse always gave me trouble. When getting my driver’s license, the assessor asked me to back into a parking space, of which I did a pathetic job. I somehow managed to perfectly straddle the white lines instead of landing my car in between them! I think he had a soft heart because it was my 16th birthday, so he gave me my driver’s license anyway as a gift of pity. Dad always joked that he gave me one month before I had my first wreck. And I did not disappoint. A few weeks after turning 16, he was called away from the pulpit on a Wednesday night right before church. He was informed that I had backed into another car in the McDonald’s parking lot. Yes, reverse had gotten me into some trouble. 

Throughout the years, Mom and Dad have always made it a priority to spend time with my kids. Mallory and Drew have grown to depend on both of them for support. Some of their favorite times is listening to their “Popman” tell stories and giving them words of wisdom. Mallory will graduate high school this year. With the entire world in front of her, she has many life decisions at her fingertips. We all remember the pressure that this entails. As she often does, she called up Popman to take her to dinner for a free counseling session. As the dinner unfolded, Mallory discussed with Dad all her options of college choices, extra-curricular opportunities, future desires, and fears. As always, the Baptist Rabbi had words for her to cling to in the upcoming days. He encouraged her to listen to her desires and what God was speaking to her. He explicitly told her that when she made a decision, she needed to move full steam forward with all her heart and soul. He told her that there would be times that she would be tempted to play the “what if” game and wonder what her journey would be like if she would have chosen another path. He emphatically told her to never look back once she made her decision. He told her that life is full of experiences and missed opportunities. Sometimes we will make the right choices and sometimes we will regret the decisions that we made. But all experiences are worthwhile if we learn from it - even the bad ones. However, if we focus on what could have been or what we would have done differently, it can consume our lives and keep us from profiting from the present. He encouraged her to spend great time in thought and prayer making the best decision she can make with the information she has at this time. Then don’t look back. Don’t give the past any power.

I would like to say that my skill of driving in reverse has gotten better over the years, but it simply hasn’t. My family still makes fun of me trying to back out of the driveway trying to avoid our brick wall. But maybe there is a reason. Maybe it is because it is deep seated in me that there is not power in going backwards.  What we have passed and encountered is behind us. There is much more peace and comfort in looking ahead and driving forward. But in driving forward, we must remember our defensive driving skills. For there are crazy drivers out there. We must think ahead, anticipate potential catastrophes, and adjust our moves based on other’s decisions. We must make the best decision with the information presented around us. Unfortunately, we will still sometimes crash. But the good news is cars spend much more time in the forward gear than in reverse. There is positive power in limiting the amount of time we spend in reverse.