The Importance of Developing the Individual

There is so much to say that I have had a very difficult time compartmentalizing the topics into brief blogs. Where do you begin when your life has been so fully shaped being raised by 2 wonderful parents? All of their teachings are so interwoven into my very existence. So, I guess I will start with some of their foundational beliefs about being a parent.

Mom and Dad were always keenly aware of the stress of being a “Preacher’s Kid.” One of my Dad’s biggest priorities in raising Chris and me was to guard us from pressures associated with him being pastor at one of the largest churches in Clinton. He was well aware that we all lived in a glass bubble. He could have easily spent his time preaching to us at home as he did in the pulpit. After all, if Chris and I made mistakes, many would see. He could have guarded us from certain experiences, protected us from certain individuals, and mandated that we make certain choices so we would stay on the right path. But he chose not to do so. Sam Dean is a firm believer in individuality and free choice, and that carried into his parenting. I don’t recall Dad trying to be the “fix it” Dad on too many occasions. He let us make many of our own choices, even those times that I know he knew we were making the wrong one. But when we flubbed up, he didn't always run to our rescue. While he firmly wanted us to develop as individuals, he also wanted us to clearly see that there were consequences, both good and bad, for every action we took. He was very willing to coach us through tough times, but he did not let us sit back idle while he cleaned up our messes. He had no problem with tough love.

It has always been important to Dad that Chris and I learn to think for ourselves. He knew that we could not develop as strong individuals if we did not develop our own philosophies. In an effort to expand our thinking, Dad often encouraged us to take opposing viewpoints to issues. I can clearly remember being assigned a debate on a controversial subject in high school.  Much to my surprise, Dad encouraged me to take the more liberal side and defend it! Not that he believed in the material that I presented, but he strongly felt that it was important to be educated on both sides of controversial issues so I could more firmly develop my own views as an individual. His intent was never for Chris and me to always believe exactly the way he believes. He encouraged the educational system to challenge our beliefs. He never felt insecure about what that would do to us as individuals. He knew that he had provided a solid foundation in our household, and he trusted that God would shape both of us into the person He wanted us to become. Dad never tried to play God himself with us. He left that work up to the Heavenly Father.

Some of my most memorable conversations with Dad is when I have approached him with an issue in which I was grappling. Rarely, do I remember him giving me a straight answer. Most of the time, he will present both sides to the story and leave me asking more questions! But as a result, I have been allowed to develop my own personality, thoughts, ideas, goals, and questions.

Thankfully, I can say I have not led a sheltered life. Dad taught us at an early age that life is hard. He knew that he had to develop us into emotionally and academically strong individuals in order for us to be self-sustaining and successful. Sam and Marie Dean trusted God and allowed us to experience things that most preacher’s kids were never afforded. I can only imagine that, at times, it was extremely hard for them to sit back and let “free will” unfold. But in the end, I am my own individual who strives each day to put God in the center of my life. I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ and that He died for our sins. Dad allowing me to experience life has not shaken those beliefs; it has only solidified them. In the end, Dad and my thoughts and philosophies are eerily similar!  Sam and Marie Dean played an important role in the person that I am today. Not because they dictated my life as parents, but because they were facilitators in the will of God. They trusted that He could do a better job than them.