People choose to handle situations differently. Some handle internally and some share their souls with those who will listen. There is no right or wrong; it is just how we individually process. I believe in sharing the human vulnerability and frailty, for we all experience it. We can all learn from each other. We can all support each other. After all, isn't that what a community of believers is called to do?
The past 2-3 months have been unbearable. I have heard people talk about pain and sorrow, but I have never experienced it to the degree that has slapped us in the face recently. For the past seven years, I have been blessed to be the major caregiver for Mom and Dad. This has created a special closeness between us that would not have existed otherwise. It certainly has not always been glorious and fun, but it is just what love does. For years, I have watched two Godly people suffer in ways that no human should have to suffer. There have been times that I just wanted to shout in anger to God and ask why! Then the gentle voice of the Baptist Rabbi would remind me that life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people. It is what it is. We don't always know the reason.
I have been blessed to say that losing Dad at the age of 46 was the hardest thing I have ever endured. Many people have had it much worse than me. Overall, I have been blessed beyond measure! However, I never dreamed that 2 months later I would be facing the same thing with my Mom. A tragic fall has left her paralyzed from the neck down. The injury to the spine is fatal, and she is in comfort care. No two deaths are the same. Dad was not able to talk during his final days. It was a one way conversation as I shared with him the impact that he had on my life and how lucky I was to be his daughter. Mom is currently in a neck brace, unable to move, but we have been gifted with conversation today.
What a blessing today has been! As we sat here this morning, she began saying in an excited voice, "Come on home! Come on home!" I asked her why she was saying that. She said, "Jesus is saying, come on home, come on home. I am going home, Kelly. I am going home." I asked her if she could see Jesus and she said, "Oh yes!" I asked her if she could see Daddy. She said she could and he had his arms open saying, "Come on home!" I asked her if she was happy to go home and she said, "Oh yes!!" I'm going home, Kelly! I get to spend forever with your Dad."Then she started impromptu singing, "Coming home, coming home, never more to roam. Open wide thine arms....Lord, I'm coming home." Words cannot describe the look of pure joy and happiness on her face. It was an experience that can't be put into words. There is no fear, dread, or worry. Just pure joy. She knows what her future holds and she is embracing the transition with excitement! She can't wait to join Dad in heaven!
Is there a reason for everything? I don't know. My Dad always taught me about the role of free will. Was Mom's fall "meant to be?" I don't know. I am frankly too exhausted to contemplate it. But this I know. Even in the midst of our darkest days, God shows himself to us if we will pay attention. When we think we can no longer breathe, He will give us a nugget of joy to embrace to see us through. I am honestly sadder than I have ever been in my life. However, after this morning, I know heaven is real. I know that Jesus is ready to take her to His eternal home with Dad. Selfishly, I cry. Selfishly, I want her here. Selfishly, I have no idea what life will be like without earthly parents in a few days. But this I know. God is present. God is good. God will see us all through this season of sorrow. God will make good from these ashes. There is sunshine on the other side. We just have to fight through the storm to make it to brighter days. In the meantime, my prayer is that I am observant enough to see God's hands through these trying times. He is alive and well and is eager to accept my wonderful Mother into his arms. What a joyous day that will be for her.
As for us left behind, we will cherish the impact that these two wonderful people had on the lives of many. I am among the lucky ones, indeed, to call them my own.
"Hurting brings my heart to You, a fortress in the storm. When what I wrap my heart around is gone. I give my life so easily to the Ruler of this world. When the One who loves me most will give me all. In all the things that cause me pain, You give me eyes to see. I do believe but help my unbelief..."
