There were very few spoken rules in my house growing up. Mom
and Dad always knew the stress that came along with being a “preacher’s kid,”
and they tried to shield us from that glass house as much as possible. They wanted
us to have a normal upbringing and not have the stress of being perfect. I can attest
that we certainly lived up to that imperfectness at times! J
There were no set curfews, no scrutiny on our friends, no
controls on amounts of phone or TV time, and no mandatory amount of time
to stay at home. Every situation was analyzed for its unique circumstances and
realistic expectations were implemented. However, there were a few set rules
that were not negotiable. Respect. Honesty. Trustworthiness.
My brother and I were kids, so we inevitably failed these
expectations at times. I don’t remember getting very many spankings, but I did
get them. It always devastated me because I
hated to disappoint. But during the times that punishment was needed, there was
one cardinal rule: You never smack or defame the face of a child. I’m sure my
smart mouth at times justified a smack on the mouth, but it never happened. My Dad always said the face should be honored as it
represents the individual uniqueness as a human being. The face is an important
part of a person’s identity and should not be shamed.
Mom and Dad realized that their actions would ultimately shape
the person that my brother and I became. They always watched their words – even
during disciplining. They knew the words they said, even in anger, would shape
our opinions of ourselves for many years to come.
I respect my parents because they have always respected me.
Dad chose his words carefully, and respected my humanness even in times of
anger. In his communication to me, he encouraged me to think outside the box,
dream big, and supported me in any endeavor – even in times I’m sure he knew I
wasn’t making a good decision. They both loved me unconditionally, knew I would
fail, and were ready to help me back up when that occurred.
Humans are worthy of respect, regardless of their age. As
adults, we have an awesome responsibility to develop a growth mindset in our youth
while demanding respect, honesty, and trustworthiness. It is important
to allow children to take risks and fail. After all, we all learn from our
mistakes. Children need us to believe in them, respect them, and hold them
accountable in a humane way.
God calls us to exercise self-control in all situations. Be
careful what we say…. children will live up to our expectations. Be careful the
words we use…they will become reality. Use words to build, not destroy. Our
actions and words today will have an impact on tomorrow.
I will always admire the Baptist Rabbi and his wife for
honoring us as children and using words carefully to make us feel worthy and
capable of being a positive contributor to our society. We can all learn from
my parent’s wisdom, self-control, and unconditional love. Our voices as adults
are not timid – they scream in the minds of our little ones and make a lasting
impact.
Oh, Heavenly Father, give us the self-control and discernment
to use our voices and actions for good.
